Olivia, Nick and Queen
by SD130413
Summary: Olivia Benson and Nick Amaro have a one night stand, from there things transpire. Each chapter is a Queen song!
1. Don't Stop Me Now

**This is an O/N fiction, this first chapter is from my smut one shots and after uploading it I was asked if I'd do an Olivia and Nick fic so here it is. All the chapters are song fics of sorts based on the band Queen, they're my fave band and after reading so many song fics I thought I'd give it a try!**

**Also, the reason I haven't been uploading much over the past few days on top of being with my boyfriend for a long weekend I've also been working on two new stories. For anyone reading SVU Kamasutra then this is one of the chapters of that but then it follows from there I've written about 8 chapters so far. **

**Chapter one – Don't stop me now**

The case SVU had just closed had caused them all to be at the station house round the clock for seven whole days. Most had slept a few hours here and there between trying to find a missing kid and then her kidnapper before he grabbed someone else. Munch and Fin had already made their excuses to leave, Rollins had managed to drag herself up to the cribs and Cragen had just left to go to one pp in full police uniform to explain why it took seven days for them to solve the case.

Olivia sat in her chair hoping to finish her DD5 before going home for the next thirty six hours. Nick Amaro her new partner sat opposite her staring into space.

"Yo Amaro!" Olivia called throwing a ball of paper at him.

He jumped, startled from the paper hitting him in the face.

"You were a bit spaced out there." Olivia chuckled.

"Uh yeah." He sighed rubbing his hand over his face.

"What's up?" Olivia asked sensing there was something more going on with her partner.

"When I was in Narcotics, every time we closed a big case we'd suffered over we'd tell each other to go home and get laid, usually it was the last thing you wanted to do you know?" Nick began and Olivia could see he was nervous. "For the first time, I've closed a big case and I want nothing more than to go home and get laid." He chuckled keeping his eyes off Olivia.

"Nick your wife's home, she's hot, go home and get laid." She said laughing.

"She left." Nick sighed and Olivia stopped laughing at once.

"What happened?" Olivia asked in shock.

"She was cheating on me, with multiple partners from what I heard, so she finally left." He said shrugging.

"What about Zara?" Olivia asked gently.

"She's with me, well my Mom mainly because I'm here all the time." He explained.

"Well I guess we're both in for a long and lonely night then." She smiled and that's when Nick saw it, a sparkle in her that he'd never been before, a sparkle that he knew exactly what it meant.

She got up and walked towards Cragen's office with her finished DD5 and Nick did the same.

"You could have asked me to bring that with me." She smiled her hand out to the side of it so she could take the file from his hand and place it on the ever-growing pile on Cragen's desk.

But he ignored the hand instead opting to lean over her and put the file down himself. She gulped. Hard. She felt his breath hot against her ear as he stretched, she felt his length up against her thigh and she could almost smell the arousal that they both had. She turned around to face him and he stumbled catching himself in the desk but trapping Olivia in between each arm.

_**Tonight,**_

_**I'm gonna have myself a real good time**_

They both felt it, at that moment, they needed it, each other. Whose lips crashed on whose first didn't matter but they were vicious, ferocious, their kiss never ending.

_**I feel alive, and the world, turn it inside out yeah, **_

_**I'm floating around in ecstasy**_

Neither of them knew whose hands moved first but clothes were quickly shred. He lifted her naked figure onto the edge of the desk as her hands stroked down his spine. There wasn't any foreplay, there was no need for any, they were both just using each other to get what they needed, a physical connection, an intimacy.

_**So don't stop me now**_

_**Don't stop me **_

_**Cause I'm having a good time, having a good time.**_

Her hands were wrapped around his neck holding herself upright, she didn't know what he was doing when one hand slid down one of her legs and then lifted it onto her shoulder and then he repeated it with the other. Olivia wobbled a little feeling like she was going to fall off the edge of the desk at any moment but when Nick held her ass firmly in place he looked into her eye, there was no backing out from either of them at this point but he just wanted to be sure.

_**I'm a shooting star leaping through the sky**_

_**Like a tiger, defying the laws of gravity**_

_**I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva**_

_**I'm gonna go go go there's no stopping me**_

"Trust me?" He asked already covered in a thin sheen of sweat just from kissing her and stripping her naked.

_**I'm burning through the sky yeah, **_

_**Two hundred degrees that's why they call me Mr Fahrenheit**_

"With my life." She replied with a hint of a smile, it was true, every day out in the field she trusted him to have her back and now, in the most vulnerable position, a V shape on Cragen's desk her legs on her partner's shoulders her core inches away from his throbbing erection, she still trusted him.

_**I'm travelling at the speed of light**_

_**I wanna make a supersonic man out of you.**_

As he gripped her he slowly lined himself up at her entrance before thrusting hard. She jolted almost violently at the intrusion, it was slightly painful but a pleasurable pain that caused her to gasp and moan simultaneously. This position caused him to hit spots inside her that no one had ever hit before.

_**Don't stop me now**_

_**I'm having such a good time**_

_**I'm having a ball**_

He held her for a moment, unsure whether he'd hurt her but the look in her eye told him she wanted him to go, to move and so he began to rock his hips, sway from the balls of his feet to the tip of his toes at a lazy speed. She moaned gratefully but he could see that she needed more, he needed it to. As he sped up her moans increased in volume and her grip around his neck tightened. He held her ass tight knowing he was going to leave bruises.

_**Don't stop me now**_

_**If you wanna have a good time **_

_**Just give me a call**_

"Fuck Nick." She groaned as he hammered into her once again. "Oh so good."

_**Don't stop me now**_

_**I'm having a good time**_

"Fuck liv. So good baby girl." He said in complete agreement.

"Oh god harder." She begged and he did.

_**Don't stop me now**_

_**Yes I'm having a good time **_

_**I don't wanna stop at all. **_

He pulled out fast and slammed into her with force and the desk beneath her rattled, some pens and files slipped to the floor but neither one of them cared, they barely registered anything but each other.

_**I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars**_

_**On a collision course**_

_**I'm a satellite **_

_**I'm outta control**_

Her eyes were closed, she enjoyed the feeling and the last thing she wanted was to look into her partner's eyes while they had rough sex on their boss' desk.

_**I'm a sex machine**_

_**Ready to reload**_

_**Like and atom bomb**_

_**About to oh oh oh explode**_

"Oh god." She groaned as she edged ever closer to the release she so desperately needed.

"Fuck Liv." He spat as one hand moved from her ass to the small gap between her legs.

_**I'm burning through the sky **_

_**Two hundred degrees that's why they call me Mr Fahrenheit**_

_**I'm travelling at the speed of light**_

_**I wanna make a supersonic woman of you.**_

Without looking he found the small bundle of nerves and started rubbing it violently with the tips of his fingers. Her moans increased again in volume and from this position he was in no way able to silence them, he just hoped there was no one in the squad room or that Cragen wouldn't return any time soon.

_**Don't stop me, don't stop me, don't stop me,**_

_**Hey hey hey**_

"Harder Nick." She growled as he continued rub her clit and pound into her.

_**Don't stop me, don't stop me, **_

_**Oh oh oh**_

Other than their occasional comments, moans, grunts and groans the only other thing heard was the slapping of skin on skin guaranteed to leave angry red marks but neither of them cared.

_**Don't stop me, don't stop me,**_

_**Have a good time, good time,**_

"Tell me when you're coming Liv." He told her. "Tell me when you're coming baby." He'd already forced back his own orgasm knowing that she could probably last a lot longer than he.

_**Don't stop me, don't stop me. **_

_**Ooooooh**_

"Oh god… oh God… Nick! Nick I'm… I'm coming Nick." She moaned loudly.

"I'm right behind you." He told her as he slammed hard into her again.

_**I'm burning through the sky **_

_**Two hundred degrees that's why they call me Mr Fahrenheit**_

_**I'm travelling at the speed of light**_

_**I wanna make a supersonic man outta you.**_

She clamped down around him and began to contort as her orgasm washed through her, at the exact same time Nick pulled out of her knowing better than to come inside of her without protection. He inserted his fingers and kept up the same tempo he had been earlier as she came violently.

_**Don't stop me now**_

_**I'm having such a good time**_

_**I'm having a ball**_

_**Don't stop me now**_

_**If you wanna have a good time **_

_**Just give me a call**_

Once her head slummed forward he chuckled lightly to himself and she lifted her head in time to see him like her essence from his fingers. She smiled seductively and climbed from the desk. He watched in awe as she wrapped her hand around his still throbbing erection and then slipped her pink lips around it. He groaned deeply and as she bobbed her head he rocked in time to her. She looked up at him and could see he was holding back so she slipped her hand to his tense sacks and playfully nipped and massaged them until he came undone. He spurted off his seed into her hot mouth and he gawped as she pulled away and licked her lips before swallowing.

_**Don't stop me now**_

_**I'm having a good time**_

They dressed in silence and quickly tidied up Cragen's desk but he stop her from leaving by pulling her hand making her turn into him enough so he could slam her up against the door frame.

_**Don't stop me now**_

_**I'm having a good time**_

"That was amazing." He told her, his mouth inches away from hers.

"Yeah." She nodded her breath hot on his face. "Who would have known that our little Amaro knows some tricks from the karmasutra?" She asked adjusting his tie playfully.

"I know a lot more than that Liv and I'm sure I've just proven I'm not that little." He chuckled.

"Well save the rest till next time." She teased with a gleam in her eye.

"Yeah we will." He smiled and then they both smiled wider as they realised they'd both agreed there'd be a next time.

_**Don't stop me now**_

_**Yes I'm having a good time **_

_**I don't wanna stop at all. **_

He kissed her softly. His lips teasing hers so he could leave her in anticipation for next time before he stepped back and winked at her.

When they left the office Cragen was entering the bullpen.

"What are you to still doing here?" He asked in shock.

"DD5's, they're on your desk." Olivia answered with a soft smile.

"Go home the two of you." He chuckled, sometimes his detectives were too dedicated.

"Yes sir." They both nodded and they walked past heading for the exit.

"You think he's gonna know what just happened in his office?" Olivia asked.

"I hope not, I value this job." He laughed slipping his hand into hers as they exited the building.


	2. The Show Must Go On

******Ok so because the first chapter is from another story of mine or a series of one-shots whatever/ I thought you'd all enjoy the next chapter sooner rather than later!**

**I don't own any of the songs they all belong to QUEEN/FREDDIE or whoever else but they're not mine if you don't know the songs then seriously! go listen to them because Queen are legendary but I'm a MASSIVE FAN and will be using some of their more unknown songs as well as their typical ones from their Greatest hits which most people know without really being a fan!**

**Chapter Two – Show must go on**

It had been a week since Olivia and Nick had unscheduled sex on their Captain's desk and things were far from ok between them. Olivia could barely look in Nick's direction without blushing and Nick just couldn't look at Olivia full stop. They both thought that the other thought what had happened between them was just wrong on so many levels and that they should make sure it didn't happen again yet they didn't know that in actual fact they couldn't look at each other because they both wanted it to happen again so damn much.

_**Empty spaces, **_

_**What are we living for,**_

_**Abandoned places, **_

_**I guess we know the score.**_

They were currently at an abandoned warehouse where just the day before the body of thirteen year old Michaela Jackson had been found. Their job there was to try and figure out what had gone down based on the evidence they had so they could somehow get a lead to find her killer, but the problem was Nick and Olivia's communication was far from perfect at the moment.

_**On and on**_

_**Does anybody know what we are looking for?**_

Their main problem was that they were distracted. Their thoughts so lost on each other that they couldn't work out an alternate theory of the crime and it was really doing their work some damage. They both knew they needed to sit down and talk, somehow, somewhere, they needed to and fast before someone realised that they were off their game.

_**Another Hero, **_

_**Another mindless crime**_

_**Behind the curtain**_

_**In the pantomime**_

The problem was, getting one of them to make the first move. They didn't know if one of them was to just take it that the other one would just follow. It wasn't like they could deny what happened to them because they were both sure that Captain Cragen knew something, he had been in the office straight after their hot act of passion and frustration.

_**Hold the line**_

_**Does anybody want to take it anymore?**_

"Olivia look at this." Nick called over to where she was looking at the large pool of blood.

_**The Show must go on**_

It was new, hearing him use her first name when they were working, normally she was Benson and he was Amaro unless they were stuck doing paperwork in the office.

_**The Show must go on**_

She walked to him, trying to remain professional and not let her eyes drift over to his ass as he bent over a box. It was really hard not to, especially when she remembered back to holding it, squeezing and scratching it as he pumped into her.

_**Inside my heart is breaking**_

_**My makeup may be flaking**_

_**But my smile still stays on**_

"What you got?" Olivia asked as she saw his gloved hand come up.

"A bloody key." He said holding it up.

"House key?" Olivia asked. "The vics?"

"No, all the vics keys were accounted for." Nick replied with a smile.

"So that key is our perps, good work Nick." Olivia smiled as did Nick in reply, that was the first complement since she'd mentioned she was impressed by him as he made out with her up against the doorframe of Cragen's office seconds away from being caught. It surprised him how the compliment, even one so simple, sent tingles through his spine and he couldn't help but smile broadly which Olivia quickly returned.

_**Whatever happens?**_

_**I leave it all to chance. **_

She was stood to close to him. He could smell her perfume wafting into his nostrils sending him berserk. Knowing he shouldn't but wanting to he let his hands brush against hers and he saw her through the corner of his eye tense and then relax.

_**Another heartache**_

_**In a failed romance**_

They'd both been hurt in the past. That was probably their biggest problem. Knowing that they would ruin more than a relationship if things didn't work between them they knew not to even go there but they both wanted to.

_**On and on**_

_**Does anybody know what we are living for?**_

Olivia could sense him looking at her up and down and she knew for a fact she wasn't imagining how close they were stood to each other. It sent electricity coursing through her body and she had to remind herself how to breathe.

_**I guess I'm learning**_

_**I must be warmer now**_

Their eyes met and it was inevitable. Her eyes flickered down to his lips already seeing them coming closer to her and as her own eyes flickered shut she reacted to the softness of his lips. The kiss was gentle at first, but was quick to become heated. They both knew it wouldn't be more than a kiss here, this was just the week of supressed tension being exerted but then if they were making out now the sex would probably follow.

_**I should be turning**_

_**Round the corner now**_

It was wrong on so many levels but it felt so right. Inside Olivia's head she was screaming at herself to save herself the heartache, to let him go and to pull away but she didn't, she didn't want to.

_**Outside the dawn is breaking**_

_**But inside the dark I'm aching to be free**_

"Nick." Olivia whispered pulling away on hearing a noise in the distance which he'd heard to.

_**The Show must go on**_

They both pulled out their weapons knowing there was a chance that this was their perp coming back not knowing the cops had been there or worse knowing they were there, it wasn't like they'd hidden their car.

_**The Show must go on**_

The footsteps edged closer to them and they stood side by side in the dark ready for whoever or whatever it was, they weren't going to let them get away.

_**Inside my heart is breaking**_

_**My makeup may be flaking**_

_**But my smile still stays on**_

They heard the gun before they saw it. A clean gunshot echoed through the air followed by another. Nick turned his head after seeing the perpetrator hit the floor.

"Olivia!" He gasped seeing her quivering body on the ground blood seeping from her stomach just where her hands were covered.

"Nick." She gasped, her body almost convulsing as if possessed because of the pain.

He was quick to put pressure on the wound with one hand while he grabbed his radio from his belt.

_**My soul is painted like the wings of a butterfly**_

"This SVU portable to Central." Nick's voice carried to Olivia's ear, it was so close but yet it sounded so far away.

_This is central go ahead SVU_

"I need a bus to my location ten thirteen officer down GSW to the stomach." He said his voice almost catching in his throat.

_**Fairy tales of yesterday**_

_Bus en route SVU ETA five minutes_

Nick dropped the radio and clasped the other hand to Olivia's bleeding stomach putting as much pressure as he could on the wound.

"You're going to be ok Olivia." He promised weakly as she coughed and spluttered blood. "You're not allowed to die on me." He added and she gave a weak pain filled laugh.

_**Will grow but never die **_

_**I can fly my friends**_

It felt like hours but it was mere minutes when Nick's ears caught the sound of sirens echoing into his ear. The relief he felt was short lived as he saw Olivia was becoming weaker by the second and that she was fighting hard to keep her eyes open.

"Stay with me Olivia ok? The ambulance is nearly here." He told her and she gave a tiny nod of the head or at least what Nick hoped was a nod.

When he heard the doors crash open in the distance his heart rate picked up even more.

_**The Show must go on**_

"We're over here!" He yelled desperately which made Olivia jump a little even in her weakened state.

_**The Show must go on**_

The numerous footsteps rushed towards him and as soon as the EMT's arrived by his side Nick moved out of their way only to go behind Olivia's head and kiss her forehead softly.

"You're going to be ok Olivia." He told her as she gazed up at him awkwardly just as the EMT's clasped an oxygen mask to her face.

_**I'll face it with a grin**_

_**I'm never giving in**_

_**On with the show**_

"Amaro!" Cragen called as he rushed in and saw the perp lying dead.

"I shot him, my gun's there." He said nodding his head to where his gun lay abandoned.

Cragen picked up the gun and nodded towards the young rookie while his eyes fell onto Olivia's shaking body. At least he could see she was still alive.

"We're going to move her, support her head Detective." One of the EMT's said brining Nick's full attention back to Olivia. "On my count, one, two, three."

They rolled Olivia's body to the side and slid a spinal support column underneath her and the proceeded to lift and strap her to the gurney.

"I'm riding along." Nick said to anyone who would listen.

"IAB are going to need my statement." Cragen replied.

"They can have it." Nick replied as he walked with the EMT's and Cragen hurried to catch up. "When I know my partner's going to be ok."

_**I top the bill**_

_**I'll overkill**_

_**I have to find the will to carry on**_

Don Cragen knew better than to argue. Elliot had been very similar when it came to Olivia's welfare, everyone knew of the time the older Detective had chosen his partner over a victim and that victim had ended up dead as a result.

_**On with the show**_

"She's losing blood to fast!" An EMT shouted as he pressed gauzes to Olivia's stomach.

_**On with the show**_

"We need to move now!" The other EMT shouted as they lifted the gurney with a now unconscious Olivia into the back of the ambulance.

_**The show must go on**_

Don slammed the door shut behind Nick and hit the back of the bus to let it know it could go safely. He watched the red lights until they disappeared out of sight before making his way to the car knowing he needed to meet his Detectives at the hospital, Nick was right, IAB could wait.


	3. Bohemian Rhapsody

**A/N: This song is more about the affect if you know the song (which you should it's the best song EVER made EVER lol) some of the lyrics don't fit into the story but if you listen to the music changes with ever bit then you'll see it! Some of the lyrics does actually fit AND I have missed chunks of the song that just didn't make sense even though that's disgusting because this is such an amazing song but still… don't hate me!**

**Chapter Three – Bohemian Rhapsody**

After arriving at the hospital Olivia was rushed through to trauma and Nick was made to stay behind. He managed to make it up to the wall before he sunk crumbling to the floor. What felt like hours but was in actual fact mere minutes went by before Cragen, Munch and Fin rushed over to him.

"I called your Mom, she's dropping Zara off at the sitters and is coming down." Cragen told him gently knowing that there would be no word on Olivia yet.

_**Is this the real life?**_

_**Is this just fantasty?**_

_**Caught in a landslide**_

_**No escape from reality.**_

Nick didn't even acknowledge his superior officer his mind was with Olivia who was fighting for her life just feet away from him and there was nothing that he could do to save her.

_**Open your eyes**_

_**Look up to the skies and see**_

This wasn't the way things were supposed to go down. They had no reason to suspect guns to be involved so neither one of them were in their Kevlars, they were just there to look for evidence.

_**I'm just a poor boy **_

_**I need no sympathy**_

His heart was in pure agony, gripped with fear that the woman he knew he was falling fast for may be dying.

_**Because I'm easy come, easy go**_

_**Little high, little low**_

Whatever it was they'd injected Olivia with had barely taken the edge off the pain. She was fully conscious but disorientated as doctors worked on her. She wasn't scared of death. The reality of the situation was Olivia had faced the possibility of losing her life in this manner a long time ago and she'd accepted it. Now lying on a gurney in the trauma room with Doctors yelling orders around trying to save her life she accepted the fact that if she closed her eyes, she probably wouldn't open them again. Anyway, in her mind, it wasn't like there was someone who was going to miss her.

_**Anyway the wind blows doesn't really matter to me**_

_**To me**_

Nick couldn't hold it together much as it was but when he saw his mother rush into the hospital her face frantic the tears just dripped down his cheeks. She rushed over to him and he was instantly wrapped up in her arms as he sobbed into her shoulders.

_**Mamma, just killed a man**_

_**Put a gun against his head **_

_**Pulled my trigger now he's dead**_

The overwhelming guilt was eating away at him. It was his fault, in his mind, that Olivia was lying possibly dying from a gunshot wound. He couldn't help but blame himself, if only he'd checked the source of the noise sooner, or reacted when he suspected a weapon, he was dwelling on the what if's as well as praying to God that Olivia would survive.

_**Mamma, life had just begun**_

_**And now I've gone and thrown it all away**_

Olivia was struggling to breath, she could hear the panicked shouts of the doctors and she was sure if she just closed her eyes and drifted to sleep she would be at peace, in heaven, or possibly hell if such a place existed. Her thoughts drifted to her Mom. How would she feel knowing Olivia had been killed in the line of duty, the one thing her mother had actually feared for when Olivia became a cop with SVU. Her mind then drifted off to Nick. Was he ok? Was he hurt? She couldn't remember anything but pain from the moment the bullet hit her.

_**Momma, oooh oooh ohhh**_

"You're ok Chico." Nick's Mom said gently as she rocked her son softly, her tears slipped down her cheeks as she continued to feel so helpless in this situation.

_**Didn't mean to make you cry**_

_**If I'm not back again this time tomorrow**_

_**Carry on, Carry on**_

_**As if nothing really matters**_

The Doctor was talking to her directly, she could just about make out his green orbs looking into her as if he was trying to connect with her soul. The words he spoke landed on deaf ears as her ears were still ringing from the gun shots that had echoed around the warehouse.

_**Too late, **_

_**My time has come**_

_**Send shivers down my spine**_

_**Body's aching all the time**_

Was he telling her that he was sorry? That there was nothing more they could do for her? She couldn't tell for sure but she was convinced of it. Here she was age forty three, dying from a gun shot in the abdomen. She couldn't help but think of tomorrow's headlines, her untimely death, her funeral which she was sure would be all official and boring.

_**Goodbye Everybody**_

_**I've got to go**_

_**Gotta leave you all behind to face the truth**_

She thought of Elliot, would he attend her funeral? Would he even know she was dead? Would someone tell him because he wasn't her next of kin anymore or would he just see her picture on the front page of the ledger the next day and come and find her? Either way, it wasn't like he loved her, not in the way she had once loved him. Then her mind went to Nick again, her partner, the partner she'd had sex with on the desk of their superior officer and the partner she had ever intentions of having sex with again if he'd let her. She was definitely attracted to him and would have liked to have been more except that she couldn't quite get over Elliot enough and it wasn't like he was able to feel the same for her, she was seven years his senior and he was about to go through a messy divorce and he definitely didn't reciprocate any of the feelings she had for him.

_**Mamma, oooh oooh oooh**_

_**I don't wanna die**_

_**I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all**_

Then she thought of everything, from beginning to end and she wondered if she was just seeing her life flash before her eyes before she would die and then she realised she didn't really have a life. Not really. Her life was her work, Elliot had once been her life but like everyone else he'd left her alone.

* * *

When the Doctor walked up to them everyone held their breaths.

"I'm looking for a Mr Nicholas Amaro." He said.

"That's me. Is she asking for me?" Nick asked slightly dazed from crying so much.

"You're her medical proxy." The doctor replied and as much as Nick wanted to he didn't question it.

"Ok what's happening is she alright?" Nick asked.

"We managed to stem the bleeding for now, we're pumping blood into her as fast as we can and as soon as her stats are stable we're going to need to get her to surgery. From what we can tell the bullet has nicked her spleen but until we get into surgery we can't tell if it's something we can fix or if we have to remove the spleen." The Doctor explained slowly so that the words would actually be heard by those listening.

"Ok do you need me to sign any forms or what?" Nick asked still slightly dazed and in shock.

"She's too disorientated to consent so we do need your signature on the surgery forms." He explained handing Nick the clipboard and pen that was in his hands.

"What are her chances?" Don asked his voice shaking unnaturally.

"They're good." The doctor reassured. "If we get her vitals up we'll have her in surgery tonight but of course with all surgery comes risk. If Miss Benson's vitals don't pick up we will still have to operate which leaves her even more vulnerable but we won't dwell on that, we need to be positive."

"Can I see her?" Nick asked handing the clipboard back.

"You can all see her, five minutes mind, she needs to rest she's too weak and her vitals are too low for any sort of sedation but she's a fighter, she came around when we rushed her into trauma and she's been drifting in and out of consciousness ever since." The Doctor explained.

"She's stubborn." Don said and the doctor smiled softly at him.

"That she is."

Nick lead the group through to trauma and the doctor pointed out Olivia's bed to them. Nick ran to her and took her hand. She was shaking but she looked at him, she knew he was there.

"You're going to be just fine Liv, don't give up on us ok?" He told her before pressing his lips gently to her hand not caring that his superior and their co-workers were stood there and his mother too.

_**So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?**_

_**So you think you can love me and leave me to die?**_

"Keep fighting Olivia." Don said stroking her arm softly as Nick refused to let go of her hand. "We'll all be right here when you wake up."

_**Oh baby, can't do this to me baby**_

_**Just gotta get out, just gotta get right out of here**_

"Ok everyone Miss Benson needs her rest, you can see her again after her surgery." The Doctor said.

They all said their goodbyes and Nick waited until they'd all turned away before pressing his lips to her forehead quickly. As he pulled away her brow had softened and her eyes had closed, she'd relaxed at his touch.

As her eyes had closed Olivia felt the brush of Nick's lips on her forehead and somehow she found herself knowing she had a reason to live, a reason to fight and nothing or no one else mattered right now.

_**Nothing really matters, **_

_**Anyone can see**_

_**Nothing really matters, **_

_**Nothing really matters to me.**_


	4. Now I'm Here

**Chapter Four – Now I'm here**

After seeing Olivia everyone left Nick alone at the hospital after he'd reassured them he was ok, promised to speak with IAB once Olivia was out of surgery and he'd seen her and that he'd call as soon as she was out of surgery so they could all be there when she woke up.

_**Here I stand (Here I stand)**_

_**Look around around around around**_

Now it was a waiting game and that he knew, he couldn't help but panic at the mere thought of Olivia not surviving but something told him that she knew he wasn't going anywhere and that he would be there for her the whole time they were operating on her.

_**But you won't see me (but you won't see me)**_

_**Now I'm here (now I'm here, now I'm here)**_

"Detective?" The doctor asked coming over to where Nick was stood.

"Is she ok?" Nick asked worry clouding him.

"She's doing really well, we're just about to prep her for surgery. We'll probably be in there for a good couple of hours." He explained. "You can walk with her to the surgical floor and then a nurse will guide you to the surgical waiting room."

"Thank you." Nick smiled feeling extremely grateful for the generosity the doctor was showing him.

"No problem, we're going to move as slow as we can because we have x-rayed her and we know where the bullet is but we're worried about it causing any more damage but we're sure she's going to come out of this fighting." He explained as they walked to the trauma room.

_**Now I'm there (Now I'm there, now I'm there, now I'm there)**_

Once in the room Nick took Olivia's hand as she was prepared to go into surgery. As he whispered reassuring sweet nothings into her ear the Doctor was grateful because her heart rate became steadier and her breathing was much clearer.

_**I'm just a…**_

"Right we're ready to move now, you can keep hold of her hand." The Doctor smiled as the porters gathered around the bed to move it.

_**Just a new man**_

Olivia's weak grip on his hand and his gentle squeezes was all that either of them needed as they walked to the surgical floor. Once at the red line the gurney came to a holt and the orderlies stepped back so that Nick could talk to Olivia.

_**Yes she made me live again**_

"You fight in there do you hear me Olivia? I need to see those beautiful brown eyes again when the surgery's over." He told her. "Behave." He added playfully brining a weak smile to her lips which was barely visible beneath the oxygen mask glued to her face.

He kissed her head softly and nodded to the doctor which allowed his hand to slip from Olivia's as the gurney began to move.

"Sir?" A female voice said just as Olivia's gurney disappeared through a set of double doors.

"Yes?" Nick asked wiping the tears that had fallen from his cheeks.

"I'll take you through to the waiting room now." The nurse said gently.

Nick nodded and followed her before he was left alone in the small privet space with the hard blue chairs. Taking out his phone he texted Olivia's loved ones to let them know she was in surgery now and that it would probably be a couple of hours.

_**A baby I was when you took my hand**_

_**And the light of the night turned bright**_

He allowed his mind to drift to the night he and Olivia had sex. His mind had drifted there a lot since it had happened, it excited him a lot as he remembered the looks in Olivia's eyes, the gold flecks of arousal in her eyes, the swell of her pink lips, the sweat covering her naked body as he pummelled into her.

_**The people all stared didn't understand, **_

_**But you knew my name on sight**_

Right there in the waiting room he made a promise, that when she was awake and lucid he would admit to her that he had feelings for her, that almost losing her almost killed him and that the ball was in her court, if she didn't want anything to happen then it was his choice but she deserved to know that he was definitely interested.

_**Oooh whatever came from you and me**_

_**America's new bride to be**_

He wanted a future with her, that he couldn't deny to anyone especially not himself. He could see himself buying a new house for himself Olivia and Zara as he couldn't imagine them living happily in the house in which his marriage broke down.

_**Oooh don't worry babe I'm safe and sound**_

_**Down in the dungeons just peaches and me**_

Don was the first to arrive back at the hospital. He nodded towards Nick before sitting down beside him, not saying a word so the man could lose himself back in his thoughts.

_**Oooh a thin moon me in a smoke screen sky**_

_**Where the beams of your love light chase**_

He felt so trapped being at the hospital with Olivia a few rooms down having surgery to save her life. Don could almost sense the man beside him blaming himself and he wanted to say something, a part of him knew he had to.

"It wasn't your fault." Don said softly, finally breaking the silence.

_**Don't move, don't speak, don't feel no pain**_

_**With the rain running down my face**_

"I could have protected her." Nick replied.

"Really? Because from what IAB have made out so far without yours and Liv's statement doesn't say that." Don replied.

"I'll talk to IAB as soon as I've seen Liv is ok." Nick replied. "She's got to be ok." He added in a whisper more to himself than his captain.

"She's strong Amaro, stronger than you're giving her credit for right now. She'll get through this." Don told him firmly but he was also trying to convince himself as well as the detective beside him.

_**Your matches still light up the sky**_

_**And many a tear lives on in my eye**_

He couldn't stop thinking about her bloodied figure in his arms, the blood dripping from her abdomen, her shaking body, and her gasps for air.

_**Down in the city just Hoople and me**_

In the surgery Olivia's anesthetised figure was perfectly still on the table. The doctors called out instructions quietly, the beeping of Olivia's heart monitor echoed around the room. If she'd have been awake, she would have been scared of the bright light shining down on her, the men rooting through her insides but she wasn't, lucky for her she was asleep and unaware of the damage that one little bullet had inflicted on her.

_**Oooh don't I love him so**_

Back in the waiting room Munch and Fin arrived together just as a Doctor entered.

"I have the bullet to be sent to ballistics?" The Doctor said holding up a test jar.

"Yes I'll need you to sign for that." Don said pulling out some forms from his pocket.

"Why?" The young intern asked.

"Chain of custody." Don replied. "Just so that we know exactly who passed the bullet from Olivia to us."

"How is she?" Nick asked as the Intern signed the form.

"She's doing well from what I can see, her heart rate is steady, her temperature is a little high and is a cause for concern but she's holding her own." The Doctor replied, he wasn't directly involved in the surgery so he couldn't actually say much else.

"Thanks." Nick replied stalking back to his seat.

_**Whatever comes from you and me**_

_**I love to leave my memory with you**_

It was two hours later when a surgeon finally came to them in the process of taking of his mask. The four men in the room stood up but Nick was the one who stepped closest as he was now her medical proxy it was to him they would be speaking mostly and truth was he was the one that most needed to know Olivia was ok.

_**Now I'm here (Now I'm here)**_

"Olivia is doing great, she's just in recovery at the moment and then we're going to transfer her up to ICU as her temperature is a little high for what we'd like and there's such a risk for infection already we wouldn't like to take any chances. She held her own through the surgery so that's fantastic, the bullet did do some damage, somehow it managed to cut through her spleen and just nick her liver. We took out the spleen before she bled out and we've managed to fix her liver, she's going to be sore for a few weeks but she's going to be just fine as long as we can fend off any infections."

_**Think I'll stay around, around, around, around, around**_

"When can I see her?" Nick asked his voice still strained.

"As soon as we have her up in ICU but of course only for five minutes." The surgeon replied.

"Thank you." Don smiled his hand on Nick's shoulder who looked like he was about to argue.

_**Down in the city just you and me (Down in the city just you and me)**_

"See she's just fine." Don told the younger detective.

"Just fine?" Nick asked turning on his superior. "She's not just fine, she's had her spleen removed and her liver stitched, she's not just fine she's luck to be alive!" Nick snapped.

"Hey come on man." Fin said pulling him away.

_**Don't I love you so**_

The waiting for the go ahead to see Olivia was long, each minute felt like an hour but when a nurse finally came to get them the walk felt like it stretched on for ever.

Go go go little Queenie

"Only five minutes guys." The nurse smiled as they arrived Olivia's room in ICU.

"Thank you." Don replied as Nick dove through the door.

He saw Olivia looking so pale surrounded by machines. An oxygen mask sat on her face and a heart monitor beeped continuously while a morphine drip hummed quietly.

Nick walked carefully to Olivia's bedside and took her hand in his own.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered as she slept.

"She won't blame you, so stop blaming yourself." Don told him.

Nick just nodded before diving out the room again, he couldn't stand being in there seeing Olivia so weak.


	5. It's a Hard Life

******A/N: So, don't know when I'm going to get the chance to update next so please enjoy this and I'll be back with you as soon as I possibly can! **

**Chapter Five – It's a hard life**

_**I don't want my freedom**_

_**There's no reason for living**_

_**With a broken heart**_

Olivia lay in bed taking shallow breaths while Don Cragen sat beside the bed. He'd sent Fin and Munch to see that Amanda was doing ok while she was running the department alone and Nick was now sitting at One PP giving his statement.

_**This is a tricky situation**_

_**I've only got myself to blame**_

_**It's just a simple fact of life**_

_**It can happen to anyone**_

Don had his hand in Olivia's. He just wanted some indication from her that she was ok, it was hard enough seeing her sedated in bed but the truth was he knew if she was awake she'd be in a severe amount of pain.

_**You win, you lose**_

_**It's a chance you have to take with love**_

_**Oh yeah I fell in love**_

_**But now you say it's over and I'm falling apart**_

A text on his phone stated that Fin had tried to contact Elliot but to no avail. As Olivia's shooting would be front page news tomorrow he could only hope that the long lost detective would see it and come and make sure that the woman he loved like a sister was ok, he knew Olivia would want to see Elliot, or at least he thought she would.

When a groan passed her lips he jumped to his feet. She squeezed his hand gently and he was sure she was trying to say something but the mask muffled her whispered mumbling. Her eyes were still closed so he wasn't sure if she was even conscious.

"Nick." She said a little more clearly. "Nick?" She asked again.

"It's Don Liv." He told her quietly but he didn't realise that she was actually completely unconscious and had no idea where she was or who was with her, she was lost in a dream world.

"Nick?" Her voice mumbled again and her head slowly rolled to the side before her heart monitor went berserk.

Don was in complete shock but managed to react quickly he dove to the door and pulled it open.

"I need some help in here!" He yelled and a team rushed to him.

_**It's a hard life**_

_**To be true lovers together**_

_**To love and live forever in each other's hearts**_

"Please stay back sir." One person said.

Don stood there watching as doctors shouted orders unintelligibly to each other. He wanted to know what was wrong but he couldn't make anything out. A team then began to move Olivia's bed and his heart began to hammer harder inside his chest.

_**It's a long hard fight**_

_**To learn to care for each other**_

_**To trust in one and other**_

_**Right from the start**_

No one told him what was going on, which frustrated him even more. A nurse came by and led him through to the same waiting room on the surgical floor which meant they'd taken Olivia back into surgery. Yet no one told him what was happening.

Somehow he managed to focus long enough to call the station. Amanda Rollins answered and she passed the message along to Munch and Fin knowing that she was the one least close to the fallen Detective.

_**Oh when you're in love**_

"Tell us in your own words what happened when Detective Benson was shot." Tucker told Amaro as they sat in the darkened interrogation room over at one pp.

_**I try to mend the broken pieces**_

_**I try to fight back the tears**_

"We were just searching for some more clues, something to give us a lead on the case, we heard a noise and we inched closer to each other. We took out our weapons and aimed but we couldn't see it was so dark, you could barely see your own hand in front of your face in the depths of the place. There was one shot and I reacted and shot to the direction the shot had come from. I turned my head and Oli… Detective Benson was on the floor, I called it in." Nick replied as stoically as he could.

_**Oh they say it's just a state of mind**_

_**But it happens to everyone**_

"Ok. Why did you not come and give your statement at once? You waited until after Detective Benson's surgery." Tucker replied smirking.

"My partner had been shot, I was trying to process it all and I'm her medical proxy I was needed there." Nick replied trying to keep his temper in check.

_**How it hurts yeah**_

_**Deep inside oh**_

_**When your love has cut you down to size**_

"Once you'd signed for the surgery you should have come here." Tucker told him but Nick shook his head.

_**This life is tough on your own**_

_**I'm waiting for something to fall from the sky**_

_**I'm waiting for love**_

"I needed to see her, make sure she was actually alright for myself." Nick replied. "Not that it's any of your business.

Back at the hospital things were tough. No one had been in to tell Munch and Don about Olivia and a text from Fin confirming he was on the way with Nick didn't help, Nick would want answers when he arrived.

It was an hour and a half after Nick and Fin arrived that the surgeon who had been in to talk last time came back looking tired and disheveled.

_**Yes it's a hard life**_

_**Two lovers together**_

"Well?" Nick asked an air of desperation in his voice.

"In Olivia's first surgery we missed the second bullet."

"The second bullet?" Nick asked. "There was only one shot." He said. "I know there was only one shot."

"There were two." The surgeon replied. "There has to be two shots, adrenaline could explain why you thought there was only one."

_**To love and live forever **_

_**In each other's hearts**_

Nick's world stopped. If he'd heard two gun shots then maybe they wouldn't have missed the second.

"There wasn't a second entry wound, not really they were so close together they were close but the path the second bullet took was very different." The Surgeon continued while Munch had his arm around Nick supporting his weight. "The bullet was implanted deep into her stomach. We've had to give her a partial gastrectomy."

"What's that?" Don asked.

"We had to remove a part of her stomach." He explained in layman's terms. "We didn't see the bleeding the first time around so she's lost a lot of blood and in the process of a class four haemorrhage and her heart did stop a couple of times…"

Nick's legs buckled beneath him.

"Woah you're ok." Fin said guiding him to a seat.

_**It's a long hard fight**_

_**To learn to care for each other**_

"She's stable but critical and she is in a drug induced coma. The next twenty four hours are crucial." The doctor explained softly.

"So what now?" Don asked trying to keep his own frustration at bay.

"We monitor her closely, make sure there are no side effects from the surgery and in twelve to twenty four hours as long as she's still stable we'll wake her up." The Doctor said.

_**To trust in one and other**_

_**Right from the start**_

"I want to be with her." Nick said his voice just a crumbling mess.

"I'll have a nurse bring you a pillow and a blanket, and if you talk to her she might be able to hear you, she will be drifting to the edge of consciousness but the drug won't allow her to take full consciousness." He explained.

"Can we all see her briefly?" Don asked.

"Sure as soon as she's back in ICU."

_**Yes it's a hard life**_

_**In a world that's filled with sorrow**_

_**There are people searching for love in every way**_

_**It's a long hard fight I'll always live for tomorrow**_

_**I'll look back on myself and say I did it for love**_

_**I did it for love**_


	6. Love of my Life

**Chapter Six – Love of my life**

Nick barely slept a wink in the chair beside Olivia's bed that night. A nurse came in and out every hour checking Olivia's vital stats and she made sure to talk to Nick, her name was Grace and she was kind and patient. On her last check before she stopped she turned to Nick and smiled.

"You love her don't you?" She smiled as Nick gazed at Olivia, held her hand and stroked his thumb over her soft skin.

"Yeah." Nick replied. "It's complicated though, I'm in the middle of a divorce and Olivia… she's different."

"She's strong." Grace smiled running her hands through her blond hair before scribbling on Olivia's charts. "Two bullets, a hell of a lot of damage and she's fighting."

* * *

In a house in Queens Elliot was sitting at the breakfast table with his wife, it was only the two of them in the house, the twins were in school as was Eli and Kathleen and Maureen no longer lived at home.

When the paper was delivered, as usual, Elliot walked to the front door and picked it up. As soon as he sat down he unrolled it and he gasped dropping his spoon into the bowl with a clatter.

"Elliot what is it?" Kathy asked.

Elliot lowered the paper a little as his eyes read the small article and Kathy began to worry seeing the look in Elliot's eyes.

"El? What is it?" Kathy asked again.

"Olivia." He said in a near whisper.

Kathy ran around the table and wrapped one hand around her husband's shoulder while the other grabbed the newspaper. She saw the picture of Olivia in her dress blues and knew what it meant.

"She's dead?" Kathy asked her own eyes filling with tears, the woman had been like an aunt to her children.

"Not according to this." He said. "But it says… she's in critical condition and Mercy General." He dropped the paper. "Why didn't they call me to the house?"

"What do you mean?" Kathy asked.

"I'm her medical proxy, they should have called me before they gave her surgery." Elliot replied getting to his feet. "I need to see her."

"Go." Kathy said. "Call me, tell me how she is." Kathy added just as Elliot bolted for the door.

* * *

Olivia felt like she was being stabbed with a thousand knives as she slowly regained consciousness.

"Nick?" She mumbled through the oxygen mask on her face.

"I'm right here Liv." He said squeezing her hand gently.

"It will take some time before she's fully lucid, press this button when she is and I'll be straight back."

"Thank you." Nick replied before turning his attention fully to Olivia while the Doctor left.

Olivia just moaned, groaned and called for Nick for about an hour. Nick just reassured her he was there and stroked his hand through her soft yet matted hair.

"Olivia!" Nick turned his head as a man he could instantly recognise as Elliot Stabler rushed in.

Nick could only watch as the man took Olivia's hand.

"God Olivia, I'm so sorry, I'm right here though Olivia, I'm not going anywhere." He told her gently.

Olivia's head just rolled towards Nick a little which bought a little light into his eyes.

"I'm sorry I didn't see you there." Elliot said to Nick.

Nick just nodded his head in reply.

"Who are you?" Elliot asked.

"I'm Olivia's …" What did he say? Lover? Boyfriend? No because he was neither. "Partner." He added. "I'm Olivia's partner."

"Oh so you're the reason she's here." Elliot spat viciously.

"Elliot!" Don snapped as he walked into the room before Nick could reply.

"Captain." Elliot said.

"Why are you here?" Don asked walking forward.

"Why wasn't I called?" Elliot replied.

"We tried, Fin tried, Olivia tried for months before she gave up, now get out." Don said angrily.

"Cap…"

"I'm not your Captain anymore, and you aren't welcome in this room. Detective Amaro can you inform the doctor that you do not want Mr Stabler allowed in this room." Don said turning to Nick.

"Yes sir." Amaro said getting to his feet.

"He can't…"

"Yes he can." Don interrupted. "When you left and Olivia had an accident they tried to contact you and when you didn't reply Olivia knew that she had to make the conscious decision of changing her details, Amaro is her medical proxy and I am her next of kin now he and I have the power to ban you from this room."

"Captain…"

"Elliot!" Don snapped. "She has gone through two surgeries, she had two bullets inside of her, she had her spleen removed, half her stomach removed and her liver was nicked now right now she needs all the strength she can get and seeing you again… the man she loved for so long… she's in critical condition Elliot, the shock of seeing you again could kill her, now get out."

Elliot leant over Olivia and pressed his lips to her forehead.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered.

"Nick?" She mumbled.

Elliot looked at his superior knowing that he had heard Olivia's call. It hurt, to hear her calling for someone other than him. He knew when she'd been out in Oregon, when they finally talked about it she told him that she had almost blown her cover by mumbling his name under the influence of narcotics when in a prison ward.

_**Love of my life**_

_**You've hurt me**_

"Get out." Don said just as Nick and a doctor returned. "And don't come back."

_**You've broken my heart**_

_**And now you leave me**_

"I'll be in the waiting room, I'm not going anywhere in case she needs me."

_**Love of my life **_

_**Can't you see?**_

"She'll never need you." Nick said re-taking her hand. "She has me…" As he said that he felt her squeeze his hand further.

_**Bring it back bring it back**_

_**Don't take it away from me**_

_**Because you don't know what it means to me**_

Her eyes flicked as the Doctor guided Elliot out of the room.

"Nick?" She asked as her eyes finally exploded open.

"Olivia." He smiled leaning over her. "I'm right here."

"What happened?" She croaked her free hand grabbing hold of the mask and pulling it down weakly.

"You were shot." Nick said. "Twice."

"Twice?" Olivia asked. "I remember … only one." She managed to say in a mumble.

"It's ok try not to think about it, you need to get better Olivia." Nick said with tears in his eyes as she looked at him drowsily.

"It hurts." She wheezed.

"Here." Nick placed the oxygen mask back on her face and pressed the button for the doctor while Don finally walked over.

"Nick why don't you go and find the doctor make sure _that man_ isn't still fighting him."

"Uh… ok." Nick said.

"Don't." Olivia pleaded gripping his hand as tight as she could though it wasn't tight at all. "I need you." She whispered through her short sharp pants of breath.

"Ok. I won't go anywhere." Nick promised looking apologetically at Don as he slipped his hand into Olivia's free one.

"How are you feeling?" Don asked softly.

"Like I was shot…" She mumbled her voice thick with sleep. "twice." She added making herself laugh at the irony but the laugh made her gasp in pain.

"Don't try an laugh Olivia you've gone through two major surgeries." Don reminded her.

"Tell me Cap… who's the man that's fighting the doctor." Olivia asked after pulling the mask down.

"What do you mean?" Cragen asked.

"I know you know who it is, that was obvious, I was shot not blinded or made deaf." She replied.

"It's Elliot." Cragen replied with a sigh as he pressed the mask back to Olivia's but with the little strength she had she grabbed his hand and pulled the mask down.

_**Love of my life**_

_**Don't leave me**_

He could see the sadness in her eyes and the tears welling up in the chocolate orbs.

"He's here?" She asked as the tears spilled down her cheeks.

_**You've taken my love**_

_**And now dessert me**_

"Yeah." Don nodded. "We had him banned from the room until you could decide whether or not you wanted to see him."

_**Love my life**_

_**Can't you see?**_

"Ok." Olivia nodded. "I want too." She said gripping Nick's hand a little tighter. "I want to see him."

"Ok." Don nodded with a soft smile. "Ok I'll go and get him."

_**Bring it back, Bring it back**_

_**Don't take it away from me **_

_**Because you don't know what you mean to me**_

As Don left the room Olivia turned to Nick.

"Thank you." She told him bringing their conjoined hands to her face and rubbing her cheek on his hand.

"What for?" He asked.

"Being here for me." She said. "Thank you."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else Liv."

"You slept here last night, I spotted the blanket and pillow, where's Zara?" Olivia asked.

"She's ok with my Mom Olivia, you needed me here." He said stroking her cheek with his finger.

"Yeah." She nodded. "Yeah I do."

He pressed his lips to her hand just as the door opened and Cragen and Elliot walked back in. The two Detectives managed to hide a blush that crept to their cheeks.

_**You remember when this is blown over **_

_**And everything is all by the way**_

"Olivia." He smiled rushing to her side and taking her hand.

She snatched it back with a wince in pain.

"Shh, you're ok." Nick said softly as he leant over her so she could look into his deep brown eyes.

"I know." She smiled at him before turning to Elliot with a look in her eyes neither man had seen before.

_**When I grow older**_

_**I will be there at your side**_

"Why are you here?" She asked him weakly.

"I saw you were hurt…" He said knowing she was angry.

"You had no…" She couldn't breathe properly and Nick helped her hold the mask to her face for a few seconds before pulling it away. "You had no right to be here." She managed.

"I know." Elliot replied. "But I wanted to be here for you."

"I don't need you!" She half yelled half gasped as pain tore through her abdomen.

"Calm down Olivia you're hurt." Don said stepping forward.

Olivia summoned all the strength she could before managing to send an open handed slap across Elliot's cheek as he'd been leaning over her.

_**To remind you **_

_**How I still love you**_

"Get out!" Olivia told him. "And don't ever come back." She wheezed before Nick placed the mask to her face.

Elliot rushed out hiding the tears falling down his face. He understood to some degree that she was hurt, he'd left SVU and broken off all contact with her but he never thought she'd reject him like that. He could hear her crying from inside the room and he wanted nothing more than to rush back in there and be there for her but she didn't want or need him anymore, she had Nick Amaro now who was obviously madly in love with her.

_**Hurry back**_

_**Please bring it back home to me**_

Olivia sobbed hard as Don and Nick gathered around her and held her. It was painful to cry but she needed the release and right now she didn't care who saw her cry. Elliot Stabler was the man she had once loved, and now he was there in her life again it was more painful than being shot again.

_**Because you don't know what it means to me**_

_**Love of my life**_

_**Love of my life**_

_**Ooh ooh **_


	7. Too Much Love Will Kill You

**Chapter Seven – Too Much Love Will Kill You**

Olivia had been in the hospital just over a week. Her recovery was going pretty good considering everything that Olivia's body had gone through and her surgeon Doctor Bennett was pretty impressed with her recovery speed.

Today Casey was visiting yet again. As usual she'd come armed with grapes knowing that because of Olivia's surgery she had to eat a lot of small portions in less time than a typical three meal a day capacity and it was driving Olivia mad.

"So when are you planning on getting out of here?" Casey asked popping a grape into her mouth while Olivia peeled the skin off her own.

"I don't know. Doc Bennett wants to keep me at least another week, get me up and walking around and eating a little more before he lets me go but then he thinks I'll be here another two weeks because I have no one who can look after me if he discharges me." Olivia explained with a grumble, she disliked being immobile and in hospital.

"Oh well you can come stay with me if you want." Casey smiled. "It would be like a great big long slumber party." She laughed.

"Yeah where you'd have to help me change, do my dressings, help me to the bathroom, I love you Casey but not that much and anyway you have work and Bennett wants someone to be with me at all times." Olivia replied with a shrug.

"I'm sure Detective or Ex-Detective Stabler would be willing to have you for a week, I know you've spoken with Kathy even if you refuse to see Elliot." Casey smiled.

"How do you know I've spoken to Kathy?" Olivia frowned.

"Stabler calls me every day to find out how you're doing but when he didn't on Wednesday I called him and he said that you'd allowed Kathy and Eli to visit." Casey explained before popping yet another grape into her mouth.

Olivia frowned, it wasn't that she didn't want Elliot to know how she was but it was the fact that she was desperately trying to distant herself from him.

"You still love him." Casey stated.

"That obvious?" Olivia asked with a shrug, she was really bad at hiding her feelings about Elliot Stabler from the world.

_**I'm just the pieces of the man I used to be**_

_**Too many bitter tears are raining down on me**_

"Just a little." Casey replied.

She really felt for Olivia, she knew Olivia was finding it tough being in a situation where she had so little control over.

"The problem is… Amaro."

"Nick Amaro?" Casey questioned.

"Yes Nick Amaro… I slept with him." Olivia sighed.

_**I'm far away from home**_

_**And I've been facing this alone**_

_**For much too long**_

"Oh my God when? Where? How?" Casey asked her mind going into overdrive.

"About two weeks ago, after a really tough case and on Cragen's desk." Olivia said with a blush in her cheeks.

"Oh my God you've fallen in love with your new partner." Casey stated.

Olivia blushed, she had in fact fallen for Nick Amaro.

"But you still love Elliot too?" Casey asked though she knew the answer.

_**I feel like no one ever told the truth to me**_

_**About growing up and what a struggle it would be**_

"It's complicated." Olivia sighed. "I am falling for Nick and I do love Elliot, but I'll always love Elliot Case' I mean he's my best friend and for years he was the only family I had." She explained as best as she could.

"Olivia, Nick is hot, he's young, he's going to be single real soon, he's available and he likes you in a more than friend and work partner capacity. Elliot's married, he cut you out of his life when he left SVU. If you ask me the answer is simple." Casey replied before popping yet another grape into her mouth and Olivia dropped her head back onto the pillows and looked up at the ceiling.

_**In my tangled state of mind**_

_**I've been looking back to find **_

_**Where I went wrong**_

Olivia knew how complicated everything was. Elliot would never leave his wife for her and he didn't see her in the capacity that she saw him but the problem was she wasn't sure she'd be able to stop loving Elliot like she wanted to, she wanted to fall in love with someone else.

"Hey Olivia…"

Casey and Olivia looked up at Nick who was stood in the open door way of her room.

"Hey Nick."

"Detective Amaro." Casey nodded her head as she climbed off the bed.

_**Too much love will kill you**_

_**If you can't make up your mind**_

"I'll see you later sweetie." Casey said leaning over and kissing Olivia's cheek.

"Bye." Olivia replied and it was obvious that Casey was leaving the two alone hoping they would talk.

"Bye Miss Novak." Amaro said as he stepped into the room and Casey slipped out the room shutting the door behind her.

_**Torn between your lover **_

_**And the love you leave behind**_

"So uh… I spoke with you surgeon." Nick said sitting on the edge of Olivia's bed.

"Oh yeah?" She asked one eyebrow raised suspiciously.

"Well see when you made me your medical proxy it gave me the right to ask questions." He teased nudging the leg he was sat beside.

"Yeah ok." She nodded with a slight laugh. "So what did Doctor Bennett say?"

"That you'll be stuck here for two weeks unless you have someone who can take care of you." He said.

Olivia let out a small sigh as his hand slipped into hers, they'd become much more comfortable around each other since she'd been shot.

"I know." She sighed. "There are disadvantages to being an only child with no living relatives."

"Olivia." He said quickly as soon as she'd finished her sentence. "You're only going to be here for one week…"

"What? How?" Olivia asked looking deep into Nick's eyes.

"I already made the arrangements, you're going to come and stay with me and Zara and my Mom. She used to be a care assistant, she knows how to change dressings, support your weight, help you to the bathroom…"

_**You're headed for disaster**_

_**If you never read the signs**_

_**Too much love will kill you every time**_

Olivia blushed and dropped her head but Nick leaned forward and tilted her chin up.

"You're coming to stay with us until you're back on your feet." Nick smiled.

"Nick…" Olivia sighed.

"Olivia." He replied with a smile. "It's all arranged… Abuelita get in here!" Nick called.

Nick's mother and Zara walked into the room hand in hand.

"Olivia." She smiled as Nick helped Zara onto her lap. "Nick is right, it's all arranged, Zara is in school, you and I will be fine at home."

_**I'm just the shadow of the man I used to be**_

_**And it seems like there's no way out of this for me**_

"Thank you." Olivia smiled, her eyes filling up with tears as Nick's Mom dropped her hand onto Olivia's and Nick's already conjoined hands.

"Don't thank me Olivia, you deserve to be looked after." She smiled.

_**I used to bring you sunshine**_

_**But now all I ever do is bring you down**_

Seven days later Olivia struggled to pack her things as she waited for Nick to come pick her up. She was trembling and in a serious amount of pain but she was determined to make it out of hospital today because the Doctor had recommended that she might not be ready to leave.

A knock on her door had her lifting her head and she was pretty pissed when Elliot entered.

"Hey." He smiled.

"Elliot." She said trying to keep calm. "What are you doing here?"

"I just came to see if you were ok, I mean seeing as you're going home I guess you are but Kathy said that you needed somewhere to stay if you were going home this week or otherwise you had to stay another week. I mean…"

"I'm going to stay with Nick. His Mom's going to help me around until I can walk without grabbing onto things." Olivia replied. "You should go Elliot."

"I…"

"Go." She said again.

"I don't want to." Elliot replied.

_**How would it be if you were standing in my shoes?**_

_**Can't you see that it's impossible to choose?**_

Olivia looked at the man she considered a best friend. He was hurting her more by being stood in front of her now than he had when he'd left.

"Oh God." She gasped grabbing onto the edge of the bed.

"Olivia." He ran around to her but she pulled away causing herself to gasp out in pain.

"Go." She said again. "I don't want you here Elliot, I don't want anything more to do with you just go!" She yelled angrily which caught the attention of Nick and his Mom who broke out in a run to her room.

_**No there's no making sense of it**_

_**Every way I go I'm about to lose**_

"Olivia please?" Elliot pleaded.

"Olivia are you ok?" Nick asked running around the side of the bed and wrapping an arm around her middle. "You shouldn't be standing come on sit on the bed."

"Get rid of him." She said leaning in to Nick comfortably.

"You heard her Stabler get out of here before I call security, you weren't supposed to be anywhere near her room." Nick snapped as his Mom helped Olivia onto the bed.

Elliot gave one last look at Olivia who refused to look at him and then he left knowing he had a lot of making up to do.

_**Too much love will kill you**_

_**Just as sure as none at all**_

Olivia collapsed her head back onto the pillow and tried to hold in her tears. She was hurting both physically and mentally but it was the mental pain that hurt the most, the intense emotions that Elliot brought out in her still to this day was such a surprise, a shock, one that she didn't want, she wanted Elliot Stabler to have stayed out of her life, she wanted to prove that she didn't need him anymore and that she had moved on.

_**It will drain the power within you**_

_**Make you bleed and scream and crawl**_

The road she had travelled since the day she had been told that Elliot had turned his papers in was a long and painful one. She denied it to everyone how much she actually struggled, struggled in life, in her job, in her world. The truth was for weeks she thought that she'd never been happy again but once she started to accept Nick Amaro, once she'd realised he was a good guy and was on her side she began to accept the changes that had happened and began to move on.

_**And the pain will make you crazy**_

_**You're the victim of your crime**_

She knew Elizabeth Olivet would have something to say about it. Also, she knew she would have to try and avoid bringing Elliot Stabler up in any conversation with the shrink she would have to see before she would be allowed to carry a gun again. Nearly dying made it compulsory to have a couple of sessions with the in house shrink before returning to full active duty. Not that she'd be doing that for some time. She'd nearly died. She'd lost her spleen and a chunk of her stomach and she was still eating tiny meals throughout the day and weighed about fifty pounds lighter than she had when she had first been admitted into the hospital and there was no denying that she wondered how much her spleen and stomach had weighed but she also knew that as time had progressed she'd lost the colour in her cheeks and begun to look dishevelled.

_**Too much love will kill you every time**_

"Olivia are you ready to go?" Nick asked as the nurse brought in a wheelchair.

"There's still time for you and your Mom to change your minds and leave me here you know?" She said lightly and Nick smiled.

"I'm taking you home." He told her before pulling her head to his lips and kissing her temple lightly while his mother just looked on and smiled while Olivia relaxed into his touch, he did crazy things to her mind and body that she couldn't begin to explain.

"Ok Miss Benson…"

"Detective." Both Nick and Olivia replied, she hated being called Miss and all her Doctors and Nurses had gotten into the habit quickly of calling her Detective but this nurse was different.

"Apologies Detective Benson, you've been discharged and all you have to do now is get into the chair." The Nurse explained.

Nick's Mom supported Olivia's weight with Nick's help and they transported her gently into the wheelchair. Olivia made sure to hide any form of pain from her face.

_**Yeah too much love will kill you**_

_**It will make your life a lie**_

The nurse wheeled Olivia out into the corridor while Nick grabbed Olivia's bags, balloons and anything else he guessed was hers while his Mom held Olivia's hand as a kind gesture. In the corridor Don, Munch, Fin and Amanda smiled and greeted Olivia. She didn't know why but she was glad they were there and returned a warm smile in their direction.

_**Yes too much love will kill you **_

_**And you won't understand why**_

They walked behind her to the car while Olivia just felt relieved to be going home. From his SUV in the parking lot Elliot watched as Nick picked Olivia up out of the wheelchair and she waved at her co-workers before Nick finally placed her in the car and out of his view. It hurt a lot to see her looking so happy and not be a part of it but then he also knew she deserved to be happy, now was her chance to be happy and if that was with Nick Amaro then that was where she would be, unless she wanted him around then he would stay away and let her be happy.

_**You give your life, you sell your soul**_

_**But here it comes again**_

_**Too much love will kill you in the end**_

_**In the end**_


	8. Friends Will Be Friends

**Chapter Eight – Friends Will Be Friends**

Olivia had been at Nick's with him, his daughter and his mother for three days. She was relaxed now, happy to be there with his Mom throughout the day and having him come home every day and cuddling up with her on the couch, it just felt so natural now to her that she snuggled up right into him as soon as he'd sat down and he'd sit and play with her hair and they'd watch TV with Zara who understood that Livvie was hurt. Zara would even help her grandmother change Olivia's dressings at bed and declared openly to everyone she wanted to be a nurse when she was all grown up which had brought a smile to Nick's face.

This particular evening however Nick didn't arrive home alone. Don Cragen had come with him so that he could see how Liv was doing for himself rather than asking Nick who seemed extremely uncomfortable whenever his superior asked.

"How are you Liv?" Don asked as soon as Abuelita had served them all coffee.

"Good, pain isn't half as bad as it was, I don't need half as much pain killers which means I'm sleeping a lot less during the day and Abuelita is a superstar." Olivia smiled as Nick reached over and wiped a drop of coffee off the top of her lip.

_**Another red letter day**_

_**So the pound has dropped**_

_**And the children are creating**_

Don thought he'd imagined it at first, not the action itself, as that he knew he saw but it was Olivia's reaction that made him do a double take. Olivia had a red blush creep up her cheeks and she rolled her lips together in a small, playful smile.

_**The other half ran away **_

_**Taking all the cash **_

_**And leaving you with the number**_

Nick went through to the kitchen for a moment leaving Don and Liv alone. He wanted to ask Olivia if there was anything going on that he should know about but something told him he should leave it alone and so he did and moved on to discuss her case.

"There is definitely a second shooter, O'Halloran has worked out based on your injuries and the location of the bullets exactly where each shooter was stood and the fact that the two bullets are completely different helped with that too." Don told her and she nodded, Nick had been keeping her clued in.

"So that means someone out there, in the streets, shot me?" Olivia asked, she couldn't quite get it into her head.

"Yeah, but we'll find him Liv, so don't worry ok?" He told her with a small reassuring smile.

"Sure, easy for you to say, you're not the one barely able to move because you lost more than half your stomach and your spleen three days ago." She replied with a roll of the eyes.

_**Got a pain in the chest**_

_**Doctors on strike**_

_**What you need is a rest**_

_**It's not easy now **_

_**But you got friends you can trust. **_

Nick came back into the room with a cold cloth and gently placed it on Olivia's forehead.

"You look hot." He told her.

"I think I might have a fever." She replied honestly, she couldn't be sure but the Doctor had said she'd be prone to infections and had prescribed antibiotics as a precaution.

Nick slowly wiped the cool wet cloth over her forehead with one hand while the other hand stroked through her hair. Don bit back a comment, this looked more than friendly but he'd been thinking about the duo's relationship since the shooting, Nick hadn't acted like a concerned partner more like an anxious lover but the truth was everyone reacted differently in those types of situations and Nick's reaction had been just pushed aside as a concerned friend.

_**Friends will be friends**_

_**When you're in need of love **_

_**They give you care and attention**_

It was the same with Nick's generous offer to have Olivia stay with him while she recovered, he had convinced himself it was an act of friendship because he knew Olivia hated hospitals but then again the older man couldn't help but think if there was more behind the offer, a reason that Nick didn't want Olivia out of his sight.

_**Friends will be friends**_

_**When you're through with life**_

_**And all hope is lost**_

_**Hold out your hand**_

'_**Cause friends will be friends**_

_**Right to the end**_

There had been a time where Cragen was sure Olivia would move on from SVU. When Elliot left, she had no reason to stay, the only reason she'd ever had was the partner she'd fallen madly in love with even though he was married. When Nick had come to SVU, she'd been reluctant, she'd been hesitant to accept someone new into her life after Elliot had just left with no explanation, Olivia had no closure and so that had made moving on all the more difficult.

_**Now it's a beautiful day**_

_**The postman delivered a letter from your lover**_

Now she had accepted Nick. That was more than obvious because Olivia hated accepting help from anyone but she'd been more than happy to accept help from her partner and his family. What had surprised Don more than anything was Olivia's reaction to seeing Elliot. He had expected her to forgive him there and then, to accept him back into her life the way he was sure she wanted to, the way she had once needed to. Yes, there were times where she had ran, specifically ran to get away from Elliot, computer crimes and then Oregon but Olivia had always come back and something had told Don that in time Elliot would come back and Olivia would understand his need to run the same way she had, for her to reject him, for her not to forgive him, proved Olivia had moved on from Elliot Stabler completely.

_**Only a phone call away**_

_**You tried to track him down but somebody stole his number**_

"So Cap' I'm sure you didn't just come here to see how I was." Olivia smiled just as Nick came back into the room.

"No there was something else I wanted to discuss with you." He smiled.

"If it's anything to do with Elliot Stabler I don't want to hear it." She hissed and Don looked anxiously at Nick who was gently rubbing Olivia's bicep trying to calm her down some.

_**As a matter of fact**_

_**You're getting used to the life**_

_**Without him in your way**_

"He's been calling." Don told her and she sighed and rolled her eyes.

"I don't want anything to do with him Don." Olivia said firmly and Don shook his head apologetically.

"Olivia he's worried sick about you."

"Yeah? He's worried about me? Where was he twelve months ago when I actually needed him Don?" Olivia spat, this was unfair, she wasn't being unreasonable.

"Olivia…"

_**It's so easy now**_

'_**Cause you got friends you can trust**_

"Don." Nick said firmly and the Captain's attention was brought to the younger man who was using his superior's first name for the first time in such a capacity. "Olivia's clearly stated she doesn't want to talk about Elliot Stabler, she needs to recover and she will do that much better when she's not worrying or stressing out."

"All I'm saying is Olivia he was such a big part of your life for twelve years, give him a chance to explain where he's been for the past twelve months, and maybe then you'll see that what he did was best for both of you." Don sighed.

"I'll think about it." Olivia said with a yawn.

"Tired?" Nick asked and Olivia nodded, in fact she was exhausted. "Do you want to go to bed now?"

"Yeah." Olivia nodded. "Sorry Don these pain medications make me sleepy."

"It's ok Olivia, just get better and get back to us yeah?" He smiled.

"Abuelita!" Nick called as he stood up.

"What's up chico?" She smiled coming into the room.

"Olivia's going to bed so can you help with the dressing?" Nick asked his arm around Olivia's waist while Olivia was around Nick's shoulders and the other around his waist gripping at his shirt.

Don just watched in silence, he could see the flashes of pain in Olivia's face as she got up but once she was stood Nick's second arm slipped under her legs and he lifted her up.

"Niiiick." Olivia groaned with a half laugh.

"You still can't make it up the stairs without taking about thirty minutes Olivia, this is just saving time and you some pain." He chuckled as Olivia wrapped his arms around his neck.

"Yes sir." She said playfully mocking him making a minor salute with her hand before returning it around Nick's neck.

Don was forgotten about while Nick carried Olivia up the stairs, the two whispering and laughing to each other, things Don couldn't hear.

_**Friends will be friends**_

_**When you're in need of love **_

_**They give you care and attention**_

He knew he should worry about how close the two were. He'd once worried about Olivia and Elliot enough to get them evaluated and something told him he should do the same with Nick and Olivia. Nick would probably agree but Olivia would be far more reluctant, she'd walked out of the last one she'd had when it came down to Elliot, refused to answer the question he knew if she had answered his decision would have gone the opposite way.

_**Friends will be friends**_

_**When you're through with life**_

_**And all hope is lost**_

_**Hold out your hand**_

'_**Cause friends will be friends**_

_**Right to the end**_

As always Nick kept Olivia entertained while Abuelita cleaned and changed the two dressings on Olivia's abdomen. Olivia hadn't looked at her injuries, she didn't want to see the damage that had marred her once perfectly toned, flat stomach.

"I think you should see Elliot." Nick said as Olivia lay against his chest her eyes closed while Abuelita cleaned Olivia's healing surgical scars.

"Why?" Olivia asked a frown visible on her brow.

"Let him explain, get some closure on your relationship, you don't have to be ok with him and accept him back into your life Olivia but you deserve an explanation and the closure I think you need." Nick said gently as he stroked her hair gently.

"Maybe." She shrugged. "I'm just so angry with him Nick, he was my best friend."

"He still is Olivia. He probably had a rough time after shooting that kid, remember my first good kill? Remember how distraught I was?"

"I do but that was Elliot's sixth." Olivia said stubbornly.

"But his first kid." Nick pointed out. "I can't imagine what he went through."

"Ok, fine I'll see him." Olivia replied. "But Nick…"

"Yeah?"

"I can't say I'll forgive him." She said and Nick smiled.

"No one's expecting you to." He said before kissing her head gently. "No one is."

_**It's so easy now**_

'_**Cause you got friends you can trust**_

Don was still sat in the living room when Abuelita came downstairs.

"Would you like another coffee Captain? Nicolas will be down shortly." She said courteously.

"Sure, thank you." He smiled handing the mug over.

"Come." She said her head signalling to the coffee. "Their talking."

"Sure." Cragen smiled and he followed her through to the kitchen. "So how do you think they're both doing since the shooting?" He asked carefully.

"Ah well, Nick took it harder than Olivia." She said as she made the drinks. "I think he blames himself for her getting hurt."

"I can imagine." Cragen replied, he remembered the young man blaming himself in the hospital too.

"But Olivia is telling him it's not his fault all the time, every time he apologises to her. But, he is going through a tough time, Olivia's good for him. Zara loves her too." She continued not realising she was dropping the two into hot water.

"He's going through with the divorce then?" Cragen asked having heard the rumours around the precinct.

"Aye, he has been hurt, his wife hurt him and she's no good for him. We may be Catholic but my boy was hurt and he deserves to be happy, Olivia makes him happy." She smiled. "She makes us all happy."

"She's a great woman." Cragen nodded, he loved Olivia like a child so he knew how she made him happy.

"Aye." She agreed. "Her smile brightens up the room because when she's smiling we're all smiling." Abuelita grinned as she placed a mug down in front of Cragen just as Nick walked into the room.

_**Friends will be friends**_

_**When you're in need of love **_

_**They give you care and attention**_

"Olivia ok?" Abuelita asked passing a mug to Nick who plonked down at the breakfast bar opposite his Captain.

"Yeah she was exhausted, she fell asleep quick." Nick replied with a yawn of his own.

"You're tired to Nicolas, you should be drinking cocoa and getting to bed." His mother said with a frown.

"I will go to bed Abuelita." Nick chuckled. "But I'm a big boy, I'll go to bed when I'm ready."

"So how is Olivia really?" Don asked when the silence fell over the mother and son.

"She's ok, healing right isn't she Abuelita?"

"Yeah, her injuries are healing fast because she isn't overworking herself. We won't let her." Abuelita chuckled.

"Mentally?" Don asked and Nick rubbed his forehead.

"She's had nightmares a few times but other than that she's the same old stubborn Liv." Nick grinned.

"Has she told you much about the nightmares?" Don inquired.

"No." Nick lied but the problem was his Mother knew he was lying.

"Nicolas, she told you." Abuelita said firmly with a warning tone.

"Yes but I don't think it's my place to say." Nick shrugged.

"Well I'll say then, in her dreams it's Nicolas who gets shot not her and in her dreams he dies and there's nothing she can do to stop it." Abuelita said.

"Ma…"

"Nicolas, your Captain should know, she's woken up every night crying with the same nightmare, it could be bad." Abuelita said firmly and Nick could only sigh.

"She has to have a psych eval before she comes back Nick you know that." Cragen told the younger man who looked a little dishevelled.

"I know that." Nick nodded, it wasn't that Don knew the dream it was what was in the dream that bothered him, he tried not to think about it too much because it scared him when Olivia woke up a complete wreck because he thought he'd died.

"It's not like you haven't been having nightmares too Nick." Abuelita added and Nick groaned.

"Excuse me?" Cragen asked looking at the younger man.

"It's nothing…"

"It's something when you wake your daughter when you're panicking in your sleep." Abuelita replied firmly and Nick groaned.

"You saw Huang, did you tell him?" Don asked.

"No because there was no reason to, it's just a dream."

"Yeah, same dream as Olivia's just it's still her who gets shot and she dies." Abuelita said and Nick was getting really anxious.

"Ma…"

"Don't Ma me Chico, your Captain should know these things."

_**Friends will be friends**_

_**When you're through with life**_

_**And all hope is lost**_

_**Hold out your hand**_

_**Cause friends will be friends**_

_**Right to the end**_

When Cragen finally left Nick went to bed furious that his Mom couldn't keep her mouth shut. He knew now when he arrived work in the morning he would have to have another sit down with George Huang and there was a chance he'd be put off sick. In saying that, he wouldn't mind to much, he'd be at home with Olivia but he didn't want a mark in his jacket that he had to have help from psych services because of a dream he was having where the woman he was falling in love with was killed.

He climbed into the bed beside her and wrapped an arm around her as gently as he could knowing not to disturb her or aggravate her injuries. Tomorrow could be worried about tomorrow, right now he just wanted to enjoy being asleep beside Olivia.

_**Friends will be friends**_

_**When you're in need of love **_

_**They give you care and attention**_

_**Friends will be friends**_

_**When you're through with life**_

_**And all hope is lost**_

_**Hold out your hand**_

'_**Cause Right to the end**_

_**Friends will be friends**_


	9. You're My Best Friend

**The word 'Liv' in the song is supposed to be without the E in the places I've put it, I thought it worked well. **

**Chapter Nine – You're My Best Friend**

Olivia nervously sat on the couch at Nick's house. Abuelita was busying herself making a grocery list in the kitchen so that she could make herself scarce as today Elliot was coming by.

When Olivia had agreed to meet with Elliot she had never imagined it being this nerve-wracking. Nick had offered to be there for her but instead she'd invited Elliot around for the afternoon so that Nick would arrive home possibly with Elliot still there.

Just leaving Queens was Elliot. He was terrified that he would get to the city and Olivia would just berate him and then tell him to leave but from what he could gather from Cragen she was giving him a chance to explain himself and from what the Captain had said she needed him just as much too before she made some sort of mistake that could ruin her career.

That, he didn't understand. Cragen hadn't said anything about anything really just 'Olivia needs you just as much Elliot, she's close to ruining the only thing that she has left' and Elliot knew at once he meant her career. He just didn't know what she could possibly be doing that was so bad Cragen would consider sacking her or IAB or 1PP for that matter.

When he finally pulled up outside Nick's house he gingerly knocked on the door. He wasn't surprised to see Nick's mom greeting him and ushering him inside.

"Kettle's boiled, don't walk too much around too much it's still early days, I'm on my cell phone if you need me or Nick will be home in an hour. Behave Chica." Abuelita said hurriedly to Nick.

"Have a nice afternoon with Zara Abuelita." Olivia smiled as the older woman kissed the Detective's cheek before hurrying off out the door.

"Coffee?" Olivia asked pushing herself slowly off the couch.

"Should you really be up and about?" Elliot asked awkwardly.

"Yes." Olivia smiled. "It's been nine days since I've been home Elliot I go back to work the desk in five days." She didn't want things to be awkward but she had to admit she wasn't going to just drop everything and forgive him.

"Coffee sounds nice." Elliot smiled following her through to the kitchen, she was being polite if not kind and that had to be a step in the right direction.

Once the coffee was made they both made their way into the living room and sat back down, Elliot knew this was his chance, that he had to explain but his shrink had also told him he had to listen to Olivia, to really let her give her side of the argument to and he had to embrace it and try to somehow accept it… even if he didn't like it.

"So." Olivia said pointedly, it was obvious she wanted to get this over and done with.

"How are you?" Elliot asked and Olivia rolled her eyes at him.

"I'm fine Elliot but we both know you're not here to check up on me since I was shot, this is the only chance I'm giving you so get it over with." She snapped and Elliot sucked in some air, hearing her snap at him like that was like a punch in the chest.

"Ok." He nodded. "Why don't you start?" He suggested because he really didn't know where to begin.

"Me start? You're the one who disappeared, you're the one who left without a word Elliot, so no I will not start." She hissed and Elliot just nodded gingerly and looked into his coffee.

"Ok." He said again. "So I should begin by telling you what happened after I left the station on the night I shot Jenna."

_**Ooh you make me live**_

_**Whatever this world can give to me**_

_**It's you, you're all I see**_

_**Ooh you make me live now honey**_

_**Ooh you make me live**_

"That would be a good place to start." Olivia said and it was obvious that she was just being encouraging, being the best friend he'd lost all those months before.

"Ok, well when I left the station Liv… I lost it… completely lost it. I went home and I saw Lizzie sitting on the couch reading Eli a story and I lost it… the girl was the same age as my twins Liv…" He sighed and took a deep breath and Olivia took the moment to really study him, she could see how much he seemed to have aged in the past year, retirement didn't look so good on him.

"Ok." She whispered seeing he wasn't carrying on.

"I broke down." He said awkwardly, Elliot Stabler hated admitting weakness.

"I can imagine." She said softly.

"No." He shook his head. "No you can't imagine Liv." He told her and she just shut her mouth, letting him speak.

"Kathy called a Doctor, who called a shrink who…" Elliot shut his mouth and looked at the floor embarrassed.

"Who?" Olivia encouraged.

"Who called an ambulance." He said and the shame flickered across his wrinkling face.

"Why?" Olivia asked not caring about allowing him to take his time with this story.

"I lost it." Elliot shrugged.

"But why an ambulance?" Olivia asked feeling really confused.

"I don't remember this, it's just what I've been told but apparently I kept saying I should end it, end it all, and that everyone would be better off without me." Elliot said his eyes closed, his face red with absolute shame.

"El…" Olivia whispered her throat hoarse from a sob that echoed to call out but she wasn't going to allow it through.

"I was committed straight into the psych ward at Saint Catharine's." He told her ignoring her small cry. "It was the best thing for me at the time, Kathy and the kids… they didn't deserve to see that."

"Why didn't you call me?" She asked feeling so hurt.

"I didn't want you to know, you of all people didn't deserve to see me like that."

_**You're the best friend**_

_**That I ever had**_

"El…"

"Listen Liv." He said cutting her off. "I was damaged… badly damaged and lost and I didn't know if I'd ever make it out of the mess I'd gotten lost in and I didn't want you to ever see me or remember me like that, I wanted you to remember me as your best friend. The man I had been for twelve years by your side…

_**I've been with you such a long time**_

_**You're my sunshine**_

_**And I want you to know**_

_**That my feelings are true**_

_**I really love you**_

_**You're my best friend**_

… It was horrible Olivia, I won't lie to you, I was in such a dark place and had I not given my weapon over to IAB… I wouldn't have even made it home that night, I almost drove to Brooklyn Bridge so I could drive into the water but drowning never appealed to me …

_**Ooh you make me live**_

… The whole way back to Queens, I thought I needed to say goodbye to my family first, then I would take my off duty and drive back to Manhattan and…

_**I've been wandering round**_

_**But I still come back to you**_

… and say goodbye to you… you deserved that much at least… but I couldn't … I didn't even make it into the bedroom to get the gun before I broke down…

_**In rain or shine **_

_**You've stood by me girl**_

_**I'm happy at home (Happy at home)**_

_**You're my best friend**_

… I was to broken, to damaged, to lost for you to be able to see me like that. In the ambulance I told Kathy not to tell you, I made her promise not to tell you, not to call you or anyone else at the precinct…"

"Did Cragen know?" Olivia asked.

"Not till after I heard about you being shot, I had to tell him Liv, he was screaming at me, asking me if I knew what I'd done to you, how close he'd come to losing you too… it killed me to hear how lost you'd been Liv and when you rejected me in the hospital I realised I did the wrong thing…

_**Ooh you make me live**_

_**Whenever this world is cruel to me**_

… you'd always been there for me Liv, always doesn't matter what had happened and I should have had you by my side when all this was happening, you understood more what I had done, you'd been there by my side when I fired that weapon…" His voice was a hoarse whisper and Olivia placed her mug down and climbed off the couch and onto her knees, crawling awkwardly to be in front of Elliot.

_**I got you to help me forgive**_

_**Ooh you make me live now honey**_

_**Ooh you make me live**_

"How long were you there?" Olivia asked.

"Eight months, I've not long been home Olivia and I'm still a broken man… I'm not the same man I was before…"

"I can see that." She whispered. "But El…I was your best friend and you left me, even a message or a phone call letting me know you were ok…"

"But I wasn't ok Liv, can't you see that, can't you comprehend that I couldn't lie to you!" He was yelling now and Olivia closed her eyes and managed to clamber to her feet.

"Did it even cross your mind to wonder if I was ok?" She asked poignantly.

"Of course it did Liv, every minute of every day I wondered how you were, what you were doing but when I talked to the shrink he thought I shouldn't contact you yet because you were a reminder of the trauma, you had been there, you'd witnessed me kill someone and if I'm honest knowing you'd seen me pull the trigger hurt too… I thought you'd hate me and think me a murderer." He tried desperately to explain.

_**You're the first one**_

_**When things turn out bad**_

"How have you been since?" Olivia asked and Elliot looked up at her guessing she didn't want to know any more about his stay in a psych ward.

"Ok." He shrugged.

"You've been home three months." She said. "Why didn't you let me know sooner?"

"The longer it became the harder it was." He admitted. "I thought you'd hate me by now."

"I do." She said. "You hurt me Elliot, you're the only person I've ever let in and you hurt me."

"I know." He nodded.

_**You'll know I'll never be lonely**_

_**You're the only one**_

_**And I love the things**_

_**I really love the things that you do**_

_**You're my best friend**_

"I'm sorry." Olivia said wiping a tear that had made its way down her cheek.

"Why are you apologising?" He asked.

"Because I can't forgive you." She whispered with more tears prominent in her eyes.

"Olivia…" Elliot felt his world shatter around him.

"I loved you." She whispered.

"I'm married…"

"I know that, loved Elliot, past tense." She said unable to meet his gaze.

_**Ooh you make me live**_

"Ok." He nodded unsure what else to say.

"I didn't want to and I never acted on those feelings, I'd rather have you as a best friend than not have you at all." She said.

"I guessed." He nodded, her words still echoing in the same. "You're my best friend."

"I know." She nodded.

_**Liv**_

_**Liv**_

_**Liv**_

_**I'm happy at home (Happy at home)**_

Nick arrived just in time. He walked into the house with a smile on his face, walked straight up to Olivia and kissed her lips making her smile and it was then Elliot realised what Cragen had meant.

"Liv." He whispered and she and Nick looked at him.

"What?"

"You can't." He said.

"Can't what?" She asked with a frown.

"Be with him." Elliot said nodding his head towards Nick.

"I can be with who I want!" Olivia snapped.

"No. Cragen, when you became the first female lead Detective at SVU, he signed a contract with IAB stating that if it ever was found that you had a sexual or romantic relationship with any other male detective that he would have to transfer you out."

"What?" She asked in shock.

"He told me to keep an eye on you, all those years ago, he told me to watch you and make sure it didn't happen." He said visibly saddened.

"El…"

"Break if off now before either one of you get's hurt." Elliot said and Olivia leant into Nick.

"I think that's your answer Stabler, leave now and I find out you breathed a word to Cragen before we figure this thing out, I'll hunt you down."

Elliot looked from Nick to Olivia who was nodding in agreement weakly and got to his feet.

"Bye." He said visibly hurt as he turned on his heels and left leaving two detectives with a lot to think about.

_**You're my best friend**_

_**You're my best friend**_

_**Ooh you make me live**_

_**Ooh you're my best friend**_


	10. Killer Queen

**Chapter Ten – Killer Queen**

Olivia stepped out of the elevator with her head held high. She could walk now, that was something but she knew that today would be rough. First she had a meeting with Cragen in which she knew she was going to lose her temper as she was going to confront him with something Elliot had told her. Then she would have a sit down with the new in-house shrink. It was a requirement after being shot in the line of duty, Olivia didn't think it should be though, she was fine, everything was fine and she just wanted to get on with her job.

_**She keeps Moet et Chandon**_

_**In her pretty cabinet**_

Nick wished her luck as she walked passed his desk, he'd been at work since before nine having been called in but she didn't need to be in until ten am on the dot, here she was right on time knocking on Cragen's office door.

"Enter!" He called as soon as he put down the phone, it wasn't like he didn't know who it was, punctual as usual. "Liv." He smiled.

"Hi Don." She said curtly but he could sense that there was an air about her.

He nodded his head and his hand signalled the chairs in front of his desk. Olivia slipped into one and sat up right with her legs crossed and a stony face, not the typical relaxed attitude she normally took with her superior, what he expected from her in meetings such as these.

"How are you?" He asked softly hoping she was just stiff because she had been away from the office so long even though he knew he was kidding himself, there was something up and it seemed like she was pissed with him.

"Healing fast Sir." She replied and that was when Don knew he had to be in hot water, Olivia rarely called him Sir, if ever.

_**Let them eat cake she says**_

_**Just like Marie Antoinette**_

"Ok, as you know you're on the desk for a minimum of a week, if the doctor clears you next Monday then of course you'll return to full active duty on the condition that Doctor Pierce clears you." Cragen said. "Have you any questions?"

"I do but not concerning my being shot." She replied her voice snappy.

"Ok, go ahead." Cragen said trying not to chastise her in case this was something psychological that he didn't know about yet.

"As you know I spoke with Elliot, he visited Nick's house." Olivia said her voice still curt yet with an edge, Don just nodded once in reply. "Well we were talking and he mentioned something that has been… let's just say I find what he said, if it is true, to be extremely offensive."

"Liv, stop talking like you've got a stick up your ass and tell me what the hell is going on!" Cragen snapped, he couldn't stand this executive Olivia that was sitting in front of him but his reaction made her worse, she was still fuming at what Elliot had told her and having Don snap at her in such a manner made it much worse.

"Why on earth is there a contract between you and IAB stating that if I was ever in a sexual or romantic relationship with any other male detective I was to be transferred out of SVU?" She snapped her face flushed with fury.

"You were the first female lead detective, yes we had Jeffries but she wasn't a lead, she and Munch were second to you and Elliot." Cragen said nonchalantly, he had no idea what it felt like to Olivia.

"I slept with Cassidy." Olivia stated.

"One off." Cragen shrugged.

"Why?" She asked. "Not because I was the lead, why a contract?"

"Because we'd never had a female lead in SVU before and Ed Tucker himself thought you were… the word he used was hot and he wanted a way to make sure if anything was to ever come up, some situation that he could intervene before it became a problem."

"He thought I was some whore you mean, and you agreed with him by signing that contract." Olivia yelled as she jumped to her feet ignoring the pinching in protest of her healing surgical scars.

"Olivia…"

"Don't you dare! Don't you dare tell me that this wasn't some ploy to make sure that if it turned out I liked to sleep around the office that you could get rid of me, it makes me feel dirty and cheap to know that this contract even exists!" She yelled visibly furious.

"Stop this!" Cragen shouted as he jumped to his feet his hands slamming on the desk. "That wasn't it at all Olivia! It was to protect you! To make sure if anything happened you were protected…"

"There are LAWS to protect me, LAWS we were to enforce, what type of protection would I need!"

"From Elliot! God-damn it! It was a contract that was a little more specific than Elliot knew!"

"What?" Olivia asked her face going from furious to confusion in the blink of an eye.

_**A built in remedy **_

_**For Kruschov and Kennedy**_

_**At any time an invitation **_

_**You can't decline**_

"The contract." Don sighed sitting back in his seat.

Olivia watched as he opened his desk drawer and she slowly slipped into one of the seats in front of the desk waiting impatiently. Cragen pulled out a manila folder and handed it over to her. She relaxed back in her seat and flipped it open. There, in front of her eyes was the contract that Elliot had mentioned.

"It was a contract stating if you suspected anything going on between me and Elliot that I was to be transferred out." She whispered her eyes lifting to meet his gaze.

"Yes." He nodded. "The contract was to protect you from him, him being a married father of four then five now."

"Why?" Olivia asked.

"Because doesn't matter what happened to the two of you, it couldn't have worked, he would never have left his wife Olivia." Cragen sighed gently. "It was my idea the contract, Ed Tucker completely agreed with me to."

"I'm sorry." She said closing the file. "It's just he said you'd asked him to keep an eye out and…"

"So he knew about the contract." Don said. "He would lose you as a partner if he slept with you and was found out so he had to choose partner or mistress and he knew he needed you as a partner." Don told her as she placed the file on the desk.

"Thank you." She said with a small smile, without even knowing it Don Cragen had probably saved her a lot of hurt. "I need to ask though." She began. "Is there anything like this in place about me right now?"

"No." Don told her a smile playing on his lips. "Just don't act like a couple around here and I will have no problem with it…"

"Sir?" She questioned.

"You and Nick Amaro? I'm suspecting that's why you're asking?"

She just got to her feet.

"I'll see you after you've seen Pierce." He called as she walked out the door with a smile, she was ok and in the clear so far.

As she passed Nick's desk she flashed him a wicked grin and a wink and he smiled, whatever it was she had been pissed about all morning was obviously sorted and he hoped she'd be back at her desk by lunch, psych eval conditioning.

_**Caviar and Cigarettes**_

_**Well versed in etiquette**_

_**Extraordinarily nice **_

Olivia arrived at the shrink's office a little early so she had to wait. She wasn't pleased. Sitting around when she had much better things to do was an easy way for her temper and frustration to rise. After sitting there for fifteen minutes an office door opened and two people shook hands, one rushed off the other looked over to Olivia and smiled.

"Detective Olivia Benson?"

"Yeah." Olivia sighed getting to her feet.

"Hi I'm Doctor Louisa Pierce it's lovely to finally meet you." She smiled extending her hand.

"Thanks." Olivia said shaking her hand, it was obvious Louisa Pierce had known about meeting the Detective since a few weeks.

"Come in and sit down." Pierce said and Olivia didn't piss about, she wanted to get this done as soon as she possibly could.

As soon as they were both seated Doctor Pierce had her notebook on her lap and a pen in her hand, Olivia sat a little stiffly as she knew she needed to be on her guard, one mistake, one slip of the mouth and she would be transferred to psych services and unable to return to full active duty until they cleared her. That was one mark she didn't want in her jacket.

"So Detective, I see you're healing well." Doctor Pierce said.

"Yes I am." Olivia replied, she wasn't in the mood to exchange any more pleasantries, she just wanted to get this over and done with.

Doctor Pierce was quick to scribble on her notebook. Olivia frowned, that couldn't be good in her eyes.

"So how have you been feeling since the shooting?" Asked the Doctor and Olivia couldn't help but smirk, she was really jumping straight in there.

"Absolutely fine." Olivia said with a smile on her face.

"Just fine?" She questioned.

"Yeah." Olivia nodded her voice firm, one she used as a warning to others not to disagree.

_**She's a killer Queen**_

_**Gunpowder gelatine**_

"So from your file, I've gathered you don't have any close family."

Olivia chuckled under her breath, it wasn't a question so she saw no reason to answer but decided to throw an answer any way.

"No I don't."

It was Pierce's turn to chuckle under her breath, she had a question to follow her previous statement, she was just gaging Olivia's reaction when she answered or in this case stated what she already knew.

"So since you've been home from the hospital who has been taking care of you? Been your support?"

"My…" Olivia cut off, her and Nick were clearly in a relationship, they'd been acting like a married couple since she'd been staying with him and she was yet to go home from Nick's place even though she definitely could, she didn't want to go and he and his family didn't want her to leave but they hadn't put a name on what they were, was she told old to call him her boyfriend? Maybe the words boy toy would be better in this case.

"My boyfriend, his Mom and his daughter. I've been staying with them." Olivia stated deciding that boyfriend was definitely the right word.

"That's good, has he mentioned anything about nightmares or strange talking in your sleep, maybe more tossing and turning than usual?"

_**Dynamite with a laser beam**_

_**Guaranteed to blow your mind**_

_**Anytime**_

Olivia frowned, she wanted to get back to work and knew whatever her answers were would influence the shrink's decision but the truth was Nick had mentioned her tossing and turning and talking in her sleep about a gunman and shooting and stuff, she never remembered the nightmares though because they didn't wake her.

The lack of answer was all the answer the shrink need, she could tell Olivia was just trying to determine whether to tell her or not and it seemed that Olivia decided to be honest.

"I don't remember the nightmares." She sighed and the shrink rose an eyebrow, she suspected Olivia would lie and tell her that Nick hadn't said anything.

"But according to Nick for an hour or two every night I've been mumbling and tossing and turning a little."

"Ok. Does it disturb his sleep?"

"Of course it does." Olivia snapped.

"You don't wake from the nightmares I take?"

"No."

"Do you find yourself tiring easier since the shooting?"

"Of course, I was shot twice, common sense would say I tire easier my body is working harder at everything, my body can't fight infections as easy because I have no spleen, I still have to eat everything in moderation rather than meals because I have half my stomach removed and I'm still having some side effects of having my lung nicked so yes, yes I find myself tiring more than I used to." Olivia snapped, she'd clearly had enough.

Doctor Pierce sighed and closed her notebook, Olivia's outburst had been something she'd hoped wouldn't happen but as it had she had to address the issues and concerns.

"Olivia, you're not ready to go back to work."

_**Ooh recommended at the price**_

_**Insatiable and appetite **_

_**Wanna try**_

Olivia glared at Doctor Pierce as if looks could kill. She was furious.

"I'm more than ready to come back."

"No you're not." Doctor Pierce sighed. "You're not dealing with the changes that have been made to your body, you've not accepted the fact that things have got to change within your life, that things in your life will change because of what happened and until you have done you can't go back to work. I'm sorry, I really am but until I see that you're coping with the fact you don't have a spleen and half a stomach then you're off sick. I can't sign you back on…"

Olivia didn't allow the woman to continue as she jumped up and scurried out of the office. Doctor Pierce just sighed and waited as she had a feeling she knew what would happen next.

_**To avoid complications**_

_**She never kept the same address**_

_**In conversation**_

_**She spoke just like a baroness**_

Arriving back at SVU Olivia blew like a hurricane through the office and straight into Don's office not bothering to knock. He looked up from his desk and saw her glaring at him and he knew exactly what he meant.

"She's talking through her ass." Olivia stated knowing Cragen would know exactly who she meant.

"Olivia…"

"I'm ready Don! I'm more than ready! I'm better and there is nothing wrong my head!" Olivia snapped.

"Sit down Olivia." Don said calmly understanding that if the shrink hadn't cleared Olivia that she would be suffering psychologically since the shooting and until he spoke to the shrink he couldn't know how to talk to her and not upset her further.

"Bring George back!" She snapped.

"You know I can't do that."

"He's the only shrink who ever understood what it was like for us, he's the only one who spoke to you till he understood exactly where you stood, Doctor Pierce doesn't know me to be able to judge within fifteen minutes if I'm able to return or not."

"Liv, what did she say?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Look you can either tell me, talk to me and help me understand before she calls or go home and let her explain her point of view and then take sick leave…"

"Don I'm fine."

"I'm not saying you're not but it sounds to me like you're trying to convince me, or yourself…"

"Ugh! I. Am. Fine! I couldn't say it any clearer yet Doctor Pierce thinks I've not dealt with or not coping with the changes to my body… of course I'm not! Who does instantly deal with the face that they can't eat three meals a day and has to take extra precautions to avoid infections because they don't have a spleen, I am going to be on antibiotics for the next God knows how long but with that comes other risks and sickness and the chances are some infection will kill me but you know what? None of that matters as long as I'm living. I want my job back, I want my life back, I want normality in what's become my reality and I … I don't… I can't…"

Olivia ran out of words and looked at her superior. Her eyes were moist but she wasn't going to cry. He could tell she was hurting and wanted to help her but he himself could see she wasn't ready to come back yet.

_**Met a man from China**_

_**Went down to geisha minah**_

_**Then again incidentally **_

_**If you're that way inclined**_

"You need help Liv."

"No I don't." She snapped her arms crossing across her chest defensively.

"Really?" He asked and she sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Fine, I'll see a shrink, but I'm ready to come back Cap!"

"You're not, not yet Liv, get some help, get some therapy and then you will be."

"Yeah." She sighed getting to her feet. "If pneumococcus or pneumonia or some other infection doesn't kill me first right?" She hissed before walking out of the office.

Nick had been waiting for her to come out and when he saw her disheartened face he got up and quietly followed her up to the roof.

_**Perfume came naturally from Paris**_

_**For cars she couldn't care less**_

_**Fastidious and precise**_

"Are you ok?" He asked when they came to a stop.

"No." She replied shaking her head.

Nick quickly wrapped her up in his arms and when she began to sob he struggled to hold back his own tears, he needed to be strong right now for her.

"What happened?"

"I'm not ready apparently."

"To come back?"

"Yeah."

"Oh Liv." He sighed softly knowing she'd worked hard to build herself up physically to come back, neither one of them had thought she wouldn't emotionally be ready.

"I need to be back Nick." She sighed.

"I know, but hey you will be, they'll clear you soon." Nick told her.

_**She's a killer Queen**_

_**Gunpowder gelatine**_

_**Dynamite with a laser beam**_

_**Guaranteed to blow your mind**_

_**Anytime**_

_**Ooh recommended at the price**_

_**Insatiable and appetite **_

_**Wanna try**_

Olivia smiled and kissed him softly, he was right, he could calm her and make her listen without even trying and he was just saying what everyone else had told him, Doctor Pierce and Don but with them she didn't want to listen with Nick she wanted to and she heard him when others she was deaf to.

_**Drop of a hat**_

_**She's as willing as**_

_**Playful as a pussy cat**_

_**Momentarily out of action**_

_**Temporarily out of gas**_

_**She'll absolutely drive you wild**_

_**She's out to get you**_

_**She's a killer Queen**_

_**Gunpowder gelatine**_

_**Dynamite with a laser beam**_

_**Guaranteed to blow your mind**_

_**Anytime**_

_**Ooh recommended at the price**_

_**Insatiable and appetite **_

_**Wanna try**_


	11. Hammer to Fall

******Sorry I know it's been a while but I lose all writing capabilities with SVU. No inspiration whatsoever but it seemed to make a reappearance when I was listening to this song and I remembered this fic! Hope you like it!**

**Chapter Eleven – Hammer To Fall**

Olivia sat in the waiting room with Nick. This was her fifth session with Doctor Pierce who had expressed a desire to talk to the couple/partners together. First she would speak to Olivia, then the two together. Don Cragen had asked this of her too, not that she didn't want it anyway but having the Captain ask her to see the two together in a professional and personal capacity to determine the status of their relationship had made her all the more eager to meet the man helping Olivia move on with her life.

So far Olivia had been healing well. Physically she had been cleared for Active Duty three weeks before but psych services had yet to clear her to carry a weapon and so Olivia had still been on sick. She had been hoping that this was the session that would change that. In her mind's eye she was more than ready to return to full Active Duty and the only person standing in her way was the shrink.

She'd been open and honest about everything knowing that she really couldn't lie to get through this because the shrink would see straight through her act. Everything she had done had been for her own good and she knew that. Her honesty about her fear of getting some infection and having that kill her, or having some complication from the lack of organs in her body cause her more harm. She'd already had two chest infections, a throat infection and a very mild ear infection. Of course these weren't the main worries but the doctors. They worried about Pneumonia and Meningitis and one chest infection had been so bad that she'd had to spend one night in the ER to receive IV antibiotics because of the risk of full blown pneumonia which would probably kill her because the vital organ needed to clean the blood of the bacteria was missing from her body.

Not having a full sized stomach was something Olivia was still struggling to come to terms with. It wasn't the extra vitamins she had to take every morning that bothered her but the diet she was on. Her minimum allowance of acidic foods and the fact that she still couldn't eat a full meal really played on her mind. The possibilities of further complications from the surgery and the increased risk for infections which tied in with her missing spleen was a worry but one she had learned to manage quiet well thanks to the loving hand of her boyfriend who was eating with her rather than big meals to help her.

_**Here we stand**_

_**Or here we fall**_

_**History won't care at all**_

_**Make the bed**_

_**Light the light**_

_**Lady Mercy won't be home tonight**_

Olivia went into the office alone feeling particularly calmer because Nick was just outside. Their relationship was developing quickly and she would now openly admit to anyone and everyone that she had fallen madly in love for the first time in her life. She had once thought she loved Elliot but she didn't, not in the way she loved Nick anyhow.

"Olivia you're looking much brighter this morning." Doctor Pierce grinned as Olivia slipped into her usual arm chair.

"I feel brighter." She smiled hoping that she wouldn't be asked to expand.

"That's great." Doctor Pierce smiled. "So I was hoping we could pick up where we left off last time?"

"Sure." Olivia smiled, she really wasn't bothered about having to open up to the shrink she had been so reluctant to trust anymore.

"Ok, so we were discussing your risk of infection after your spleenectomy. Tell me how you feel about that now."

"I'm still pissed at the men who shot me. One is dead and the other is roaming the streets and I know the Detectives are no closer to finding him now than they were five weeks ago. However, I'm used to it now you know? The need to take extra precautions. I mean, I make sure I carry anti-bacterial wipes and sanitizer gel with me everywhere and remember to use it at all times. I'm actually becoming quite OCD in using it after touching elevator buttons and so on, taking extra care not to put my hands near my face when I can't get to the gel and wash my hands as soon as I can. I know it's obsessive but I have to minimize the risk of infections in every way I can and as long as my obsession doesn't get in the way of me functioning I know there's nothing to worry about. Abuelita is great too making sure that the house is always sparkling, not that it wasn't before but now she really understands the risk she cleans everything with anti-bacterial and wipes common surfaces down more often, if anything we all do it even Nick and Zara."

"I'm glad to see you and your family taking active steps to ensure your health Olivia, and I agree with you as long as your obsession, as you call it, doesn't become a problem then I don't see any reason to address it."

_**You don't waste no time at all**_

_**Don't here the bell**_

_**But you answer the call**_

_**It comes to you as to us all**_

_**We're just waiting for the hammer to fall**_

"Now we need to discuss your main worry which is your stomach."

"It's not really a main worry." Olivia sighed and rubbed a hand across her forehead. "It just frustrates me. I can't put on any of the weight I've lost because I can't eat enough because there's just no room in my stomach for it and I'm so active I'm burning off all the calories I eat. I'm drinking the protein shakes like needed but they don't make a difference if anything I've not even put on a single pound since I've been out of the hospital."

"Have the doctors shown any concern to your weight?"

"No I just feel too thin, they say I'm still within normal BMI for my height and weight and so they have no issues its just me, I've never been this thin since like college and I just want to put the weight back on so I can fit back into my clothes and feel healthy again."

"You don't feel healthy?"

"I do. Health wise now I do but my body image … I used to be so strong, I used to look in the mirror and be happy with what I saw but now I'm paler, thinner and I look sick." She thought her explanation was hopeless, she couldn't find the words to articulate what she meant but Pierce was cleverer than Olivia gave her credit for being.

**Oh every night, and every day****  
****A little piece of you is falling away****  
****But lift your face, the western way, baby****  
****Build your muscles as your body decays****  
**

"Do you feel your weight makes you look sick and you don't want people questioning if your surgeries made more damage than they think?"

"Exactly." Olivia groaned.

"I don't think you look sick Olivia, I think you look like a very healthy woman and that all this you're feeling when you look in the mirror is your own fear and paranoia."

"Really?" Olivia sounded surprised to hear this.

"Yes. I think you're worried when you finally do get back to work that those you work with will question your health because they're not used to seeing you looking slimmer but you have this glow about you now Olivia, like a spark that was missing when I first met you. You're also fully informed and understanding about the implications of your surgeries and have taken steps to continue your life without dwelling on them. I think you've taken giant leaps in healing not only physically but mentally as well."

**Yeah, toe your line and play their game****  
****Yeah, let the anaesthetic cover it all****  
****Till one day they call your name****  
****You know it's time for the hammer to fall – yeah**

"Why don't we invite Nick in now?" She suggested and Olivia nodded and smiled, she always seemed to relax more just at his name and having him by her side would do her even more good. "Call him in."

Olivia hurried to the door and walked out into the waiting room. Nick was sat looking at a newspaper when she cleared her throat.

"So I get to meet the doctor you hate so much?" Nick chuckled as he walked to meet her.

"Don't tell her that or she'll never sign my release forms."

"Release forms!?" Nick howled with laughter. "You're off on sick not incarcerated Liv."

"You know what I mean." She spluttered through her own laughter before opening the door to the office.

Nick had slipped his hand into Olivia's and when they sat down he didn't let go just pulled her a little closer to him so her shoulder rested against his.

"So you're Nick Amaro I've heard a lot about you from Olivia." Doctor Pierce smiled.

**Rich or poor or famous for****  
****Your truth it's all the same - oh no - oh no****  
****Oh lock your door but rain is pouring****  
****Through your window pane - oh no - yeah****  
****Baby now your struggle's all vain**

Olivia blushed crimson but Nick gave her hand a gentle squeeze and smiled.

"Yes I'm Nick." He said politely.

"It's great to finally meet you." Doctor Pierce said politely. "Ok so I just want to speak to you both, Nick maybe you can tell me a little about how Olivia's been at home and so on. I heard you've finally moved in together."

"Yes, Olivia's moved her things to my house for now until I am divorced and can move us all somewhere else, I've bought a new bed though, Olivia and I were sharing the guest room because I wasn't having her sleeping in the bed my wife slept in." He spat the word wife out like it was poison.

"I understand." Doctor Pierce smiled, she'd heard the story from Olivia anyway. "Ok so what can you tell me about these past few weeks with Olivia?"

"She's been great." Nick beamed and Olivia rolled her eyes, she knew there was an innuendo in there for her about their now very active sex life. "We've really managed to move on from the shooting, we've talked in depth about something like this happening again to either one of us and what we would want done should worse come to worse, she doesn't try and eat till she's sick anymore and …"

Olivia smacked him in the chest, she hadn't told Doctor Pierce that she'd eaten herself to the point of vomiting a couple of weeks back in desperation to get her stomach back to some form of normality.

"You made yourself sick?" Doctor Pierce asked.

"Not on purpose!" Olivia snapped angrily. "It was about three weeks ago, I pushed myself with what I was eating, I wanted to eat a normal sized meal but my body couldn't handle it and I was sick."

"She did it three times in one week." Nick added and Olivia hit him again. "Liv…" He groaned mockingly.

"Shut up." She snapped with a laugh.

"Olivia do you know the implications of over eating for you?"

"Yes." She sighed. "After it happened the third time Nick took me to the hospital and threatened to tell them I was self-harming by over eating, trying to kill myself so they would admit me unless I told them the truth about what happened so that they could help me, I was given an hour long lecture from the surgeon that operated on me that I could burst the still healing scar lining and the food could leak into other places and cause infections my body can't fight without its spleen. Haven't eaten more than I can handle since."

"I'm glad to hear it." Doctor Pierce said and she smiled at Nick it was obvious she agreed with the drastic decision he'd made.

"So Doc do I get my partner back?"

"I think so, but I do want you to continue to see me once a week for the time being Olivia."

"Anything." Olivia replied honestly, she just wanted to get back to work, she wanted to find the bastard who shot her.

"Ok I'll sign the paper work."

**Oooh oooh oooh oooh oooh****For we who grew up tall and proud****  
****In the shadow of the mushroom cloud****  
****Convinced our voices can't be heard****  
****We just wanna scream it louder and louder and louder**

Olivia and Nick walked to the precinct hand in hand. Outside the door Nick pushed Olivia against the wall crashing his lips into hers and slipped his tongue into her mouth. Olivia wrapped her arms around him and returned the fight until Nick pulled away breathlessly dropping his forehead against hers.

"What was that for?" She panted as he gripped her hips tight.

"You're going to be working with me today and you look fucking sexy when you work and I'm not going to be able to touch you, it's going to kill me." He growled and she couldn't help but laugh.

"I guess that I'm going to have to make sure I make it up to you after we put Zara to bed." She laughed.

"It's your turn to do the bath and bed routine." He laughed and Olivia giggled.

"Well Princess Zara prefers me doing it because I'm a lady like her." Olivia smirked before pulling her tongue out on him.

"Do that again I'll bite that tongue." He teased.

"Whatever." She shrugged before quickly poking it, Nick kissed her hard again and when her tongue slipped into his mouth he nipped it slightly making her pull back laughing.

"Come on before they send a search party." She smiled dragging him into the building by the hand.

**What the hell we fighting for ?****  
****Ah, just surrender and it won't hurt at all****  
****You just got time to say your prayers****  
****Eh, while you're waiting for the hammer to hammer to fall****  
****Hey, yes, it's starting to fall eh, hammer, you know****  
****Yeah, hammer to fall, wooh, ah, hey, eh woowoo, ha eh hammer****  
****Waiting for the hammer to fall baby****  
****Yeah yeah while you're waiting for the hammer to fall****  
****Give it to me one more time**


	12. We Will Rock You

**Chapter Eleven – We Will Rock You**

Arriving into the office Olivia was feeling particularly apprehensive, not only was Nick in court against his wife with the divorce proceedings but also during the night the second shooter had been found.

"Morning Liv." Cragen smiled as she walked up to him.

"That him?" She asked looking in through the intergoation room window.

"That's him, he killed someone else with the same gun and got caught with it on him. How are you feeling?"

"I'm good." She replies softly, surprisingly she didn't feel much of anything. Seeing the man who had almost killed her or one of them anyhow, was a shock but it didn't bother her, she'd already dealt with everything that happened to her.

"Wanna take a pop at him?" Cragen asked, Olivia wasn't sure she would be allowed but a small grin played on her face.

"Hell yeah let me at him." She replied.

Cragen knocked on the window and it bought Amanda and Fin out of the room.

"Whassup Cap?" Fin asked. "oh hey Liv." He smiles seeing the Detective stood there.

"Ok?" She asked looking at her superior, he nodded her head and she slipped inside alone.

The perp looked at her through beady grey eyes. His stench filled Olivia's nostrils and his matted hair fell to his shoulders. It was obvious that personal hygiene wasn't high on his list of priorities and Olivia knew as soon as she left this interrogation room she would require an antibacterial shower just to make sure she didn't catch any form of infection.

_**Buddy you're a boy**_

_**Make a big noise **_

_**Playing in the street**_

_**Gonna be a big man someday**_

"Well hello there pretty lady." He smiled through brown teeth that sickened Olivia, his eyes glazed over her body like a hawk stalking his pray.

She peeled the file from the table and opened it. The details meant nothing in black and white to her, all she cared about that she was face to face with the man who almost killed her and from what Olivia could tell he didn't even know it.

_**You got mud on your face**_

_**You big disgrace**_

_**Kickin' your can all over the place**_

"Richard McGuire, didn't you learn your lesson about playing with guns after the last person you shot?" She asked him, she wasn't about to out herself yet but she wanted to start something up with him.

"Didn't shoot nobody." He spat.

"Ok let's try that sentence again, repeat after me Richard, I didn't shoot anybody."

"Huh what are you the grammar police?" He replied and Olivia shrugged and shook her head, she wanted him rattled but obviously correcting his spelling wasn't going to do it.

"Can you even spell grammar Richard?" She hissed. "Now the gun you were caught with after shooting Melissa Partridge was the same gun that was used to shoot a cop. Do you know how serious that is?"

"Did they die?"

"No, they're standing right in front of you!" She hissed and his eyes widened in shock. "You and your trigger happy friend almost killed e and you're about to pay for it so how about you make my job a little easier and admit it to me."

"Will it make you sleep better at night lady? If I tell you I was one who pulled the trigger?"

_**We will, We Will, Rock you**_

_**We will, We Will, Rock you**_

"I sleep perfectly fine at night." She replied, there was no way she was letting this piece of shit get one up on her.

"Do you? Or every time you close your eyes your back in that warehouse, the sound of the gunshot ringing in your ears, the blackness consuming you?"

He remembered her. Shit! This wasn't going according to plan at all.

_**Buddy you're a young man**_

_**Hard man **_

_**Shouting in the street**_

_**Gonna take on the world someday**_

"I sleep." She replied firmly. "I sleep perfectly fine but you, you on the other hand look to me like a man with a guilty conscious, you want to confess your sins? Save your soul from eternity in hell?" She pushed, he'd already dropped himself in it.

"I don't think so."

"You see, this is the problem I have, I never mentioned no warehouse and from what I know Detective Tutuola and Detective Rollins never mentioned my shooting at all so you see you've already confessed and when I take to the stand I'm going to have so much fun putting the final nail in your coffin."

"I never mentioned no warehouse!" He yelled angrily.

_**You got blood on your face**_

_**You big disgrace**_

_**Waving your banner all over the place**_

"Yes you did." She smirked. "Every time you close your eyes your back in that warehouse, the sound of the gunshot ringing in your ears, the blackness consuming you?"

He quivered when she replayed his words to him, she didn't need to put the final nail in his coffin because he'd put it in his own without even trying.

"Shit." He hissed.

"Say it. Tell me how it felt when you stood in that warehouse with your gun aimed, tell me how it felt to pull the trigger knowing there was a chance the person at the receiving end would die…" She could see his face contort with a mixture of pleasure and anguish but she wasn't done, she wasn't going to let him win this one. "Tell me how it feels to see me standing here now, living, breathing, like nothing ever happened."

"I hate it! You should have fucking died! You had two bullets! You shouldn't be standing you dirty fucking pig!" He flew over the table but Fin was fast enough to dive into the room and push him up against the wall but Olivia wasn't done.

_**We will, We Will, Rock you**_

_**Singing**_

_**We will, We Will, Rock you**_

She ran over to the side his face was as Fin held him against the wall.

"See this?" She asked pointing to her face. "When the men get you at rickers remember this face, remember that you have no one to blame for it but yourself, remember that the woman you tried to kill with your gun stands fucking stronger than ever. I will haunt your every fucking nightmare McGuire." She gripped his chin. "Every time you close your eyes, I will be there and remember I have friends at rickers, guards and prisoners." She hissed before storming out of the room.

_**Buddy you're an old man**_

_**Poor man**_

_**Pleading with your eyes**_

_**Gonna make you some peace someday**_

"Liv?"

"Hey you're here." She was so relieved to be wrapped up in Nick's arms.

"Yeah everything was pretty quick. You ok baby?" He asked as she buried her head into the crook of his shoulder.

"I'm ok." She replied timidly but as the adrenaline left her body she felt herself tiring, she still wasn't at one hundred percent and everyone knew it would take time for her to get there, it didn't help that she hadn't taken her pills that morning in a rush to get to the precinct.

_**You got mud on your face**_

_**You big disgrace**_

_**Somebody better put you back into your place**_

"Take her home Amaro, we'll call you if we need you." Cragen told the younger detective as he kissed the top of his girlfriend's head, her face still hidden away. "It's an order." He added.

"Come on Liv baby, let me get you home." He said quietly.

She managed a small nod as Nick slipped his hand into hers and she gave her superior a weak smile before being led away. She knew now she was getting the closure she deserved and that everything that happened from here on out she would never have to worry about her shooter being loose on the streets.

_**We will, We Will, Rock you**_

_**Singing**_

_**We will, We Will, Rock you**_

_**Everybody**_

_**We will, We Will, Rock you**_

_**We will, We Will, Rock you**_


	13. We Are The Champions

**Chapter Twelve – We are the Champions**

**Fan fic only facebook - Steffie Dawn or /steffie. dawn. 75 (without the spaces!)**

_**I've paid my dues**_

_**Time after time**_

_**I've done my sentence**_

_**But committed no crime**_

It had been a good four weeks since Olivia had faced her shooter. He'd plead guilty and Olivia and Nick and the rest from the one six watched as he was sentenced to twenty years for the murder of the other girl and twelve years for the attempted murder on Olivia. She was as pleased as punch and when he'd turned to look at her as he was lead from the room she'd pointed to herself, her eyes and then him, warning him that she would be watching. She had been warned by Nick and Cragen not to taunt the perp but she thought it was the least she deserved after he almost killed her.

_**And bad mistakes**_

_**I've made a few**_

_**I've had my share of sand kicked in my face**_

_**But I've come through**_

Today Nick was in court waiting for news on the finalisation of his divorce and of course his daughter. Olivia hadn't been told anything by her boyfriend, he hadn't even divulged if his ex-wife was even fighting for custody. The only thing he's asked of her was that he stuck by her no matter what happened and of course she'd obliged even though he had worried that the court would put them into mediation with just a legal separation.

Olivia was impatient waiting for news. Her eyes were glued to the clock and the DD5 she'd been working on all morning had barely been touched.

_**And I need to go on and on and on and on**_

"Liv!" Cragen signalled her from the door of his office.

Sighing she pushed her chair back and walked over to him clutching tight to the phone in her hand willing it to ring.

"Have you heard from Nick?" He asked and she shook her head. "How much work are you getting done over there?"

"Not much if I'm honest." She replied knowing better than to lie to her captain.

"So you want to be there?" He asked and she shrugged, did she? "Go Olivia, if this goes the wrong way he's going to need you there and if he goes his way I think you both need to celebrate."

"Ah Thanks Cap." She beamed throwing her arms around his neck. "Really Thank you."

"Go already before I change my mind." He laughed.

She ran from the office and grabbed her coat, keys and purse, she couldn't believe that he was letting her go down to the courthouse when she was supposed to be on duty, but she guessed that her Captain could see that no work was actually being done from her and saw no point in keeping her there.

_**We are the champions my friend**_

_**And we'll keep on fighting till the end**_

_**We are the champions**_

_**We are the champions**_

_**No time for losers**_

_**Because we are the champions**_

_**Of the world**_

Walking into the courtroom Olivia felt like and intruder with Nick, his soon to be ex-wife and their lawyers looking at her but when Nick flashed her a smile and a playful wink she knew she was in the clear and she slipped into an empty bench and let the proceedings continue.

"So Ms Tamworth, you know by signing away your parental rights you're no longer financially responsible to the child, it also means you give up all rights including any visitation without the consent of the father until the child is of age?"

"Yes Sir." She replies with no sense of embarrassment.

Olivia was in shock, she couldn't believe that Maria was signing away her rights completely. How could she do it? Olivia knew she would never be able to give Zara up now. She couldn't help but wonder how Nick was going to break the news to his daughter about her mother.

The paper was signed and Olivia saw the breath that Nick let out. She waited patiently as the proceedings were brought to a close and stood when Nick shook hands with his lawyer. He walked over to her than and scooped her into an earth-shattering kiss.

"Hello Detective." She giggled as he still held her low.

"Hi." He smiled.

_**I've taken my vows**_

_**And my curtain calls**_

_**You've brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it**_

_**And I thank you all**_

They exited the courtroom hand in hand. Olivia had a lot of questions to ask about what happened now but she didn't want to rain on Nick's parade, he was obviously ecstatic at what had happened and he deserved to be. He would never have to worry about Maria coming after Zara again because she signed everything away and she had no right to the beautiful little girl anymore.

"We should go pick up Abuelita and Zara and go for dinner." He said with a boyish grin that melted Olivia's heart, she couldn't possibly say no to him and managed a weak nod. "Thanks for coming over Olivia, I wish I hadn't been so pig headed and had you there with me from the start." He said as they walked towards the car.

"I'd have been there if you'd asked." She admitted and he smiles and kissed her temple.

"I know you would have." He replied.

_**But it's been no bed of roses**_

_**No pleasure cruise**_

_**I consider it a challenge before the whole human race**_

_**And I ain't gonna lose**_

_**And I need to go on and on and on and on **_

After picking up Abuelita and Zara the four of them went to Oscar's a beautiful Italian restaurant to eat. Zara of course had no idea what the occasion was but Olivia and Abuelita both were excited for Nick, he had won, he would be completely divorced from his wife in a matter of days and he would never have to worry about losing his daughter to the woman who betrayed him.

The family laughed and joked and ate for nearly two hours before Olivia's phone rang and Nick and Olivia had to return to work. It wasn't the perfect ending Nick had hoped for to the day but it was better than nothing because he had Olivia by his side. She, Zara and his mother were everything and he knew that now she was healed and that the proceedings were all over he needed to show the woman beside him how much she exactly meant to him.

_**We are the champions my friend**_

_**And we'll keep on fighting till the end**_

_**We are the champions**_

_**We are the champions**_

_**No time for losers**_

_**Because we are the champions**_

_**Of the world**_

All he needed to do was ask her on a date and he hoped she would see that he was trying to make their controversial start to their relationship better by doing some old-fashioned things with her like take her to dinner and a walk in the park, she'd been through so much in the weeks they'd been together and he felt like he'd neglected her with all the court proceedings. Not that she'd ever see it like that of course and he knew that too.

"What do you say tomorrow night, you and me, go on a date?"

"A date?" Olivia asked chuckling, she was making Nick nervous. "Ok." She smiled and he beamed at her feeling so happy that she'd agreed. "Why though?"

"Well I'm newly divorced so I'd like to try something maybe traditional with you?" He asked and she shrugged and nodded with a smile. "Good, dress up."

"I will." She replied as they headed over to the one six, their personal hats coming off and their professional one's going on, from Liv and Nick to Benson and Amaro just like that.

_**We are the champions my friend**_

_**And we'll keep on fighting till the end**_

_**We are the champions**_

_**We are the champions**_

_**No time for losers**_

_**Because we are the champions**_

_**Of the world**_


End file.
